Here is the second to last obstacle: jumping over fire. Why my head is like that I don't know. Maybe I broke my neck. But yes, I am flipping off the cameras. It's like I knew in advance that the promoters ran out of fucking turkey legs before I even got through the mud and to the food truck!
Just when you thought Todd couldn't look any taller, or any more like a giant eagle about to take flight...:
Todd beat me through the mud pit (under barbed wire), but the sweet, sweet man waited for me, hand outstretched, so we could cross together. Believe it or not, tears sprang to my eyes as I just typed that sentence. It's such a metaphor for marriage. Now I sound like a contestant on The Bachelor.
The moral of the story here, so far, is do not wear cotton clothes if you intend to jump in a 4' deep mud bog, because you instantly lose agility, gain 15lbs and your pants start sliding down your ass.
Anyways, this is where Todd said "Here, hold my banana" and then he dipped me, and kissed me. Any woman will tell you, for a man to pull an impromptu dip-and-kiss without being asked in a fierce whisper "You know what would be awesome? If you dipped me and then kissed me!!!" is just about the most awesome thing ever, no matter how much mud is streaming down your legs:
Here we are, happily married couple, happy parents, a united force against all opposition, all mud, all fire jumps and 25' tall cargo nets. We are WARRIORS.
Oh my God, I love that man.