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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Movies I Watch Repeatedly

I am a happy person, and I like to be happy. I like to think, sure, or be moved, but ultimately, I want a shit-eating grin on my face after a movie. I frequently tell people that I do not want to spend $10 in a movie theatre only to leave feeling worse than I did when I came in. So don't be surprised that No Country for Old Men isn't on this list. That movie made me feel dark and cold inside and I didn't even have the heart to finish it. Plus I hate bad hairdos. Onward to the merry-making:

1. Clue

There are just... I can't even... You just don't know how much I love this movie. I first saw it when it came out, I was six, and my dad took me to see it in the theatre. Wait, maybe that was High Spirits (another awesome as hell movie - hey there Liam Neeson). No, no, I'm fairly confident I saw it in the theatre because it only had one ending. But then, back in those halcyon, Pay-Per-View days, my parents ordered it and recorded it on VHS and got all three endings. I was hooked. I watched it over and over again, and by the time high school rolled around, I was watching Clue nightly, or on rotation with the next two movies you'll see in this list.

For those of you who have never seen Clue, it's hilarious, and with an all star cast. Here's just three of the comedic geniuses, Madeline Kahn, Michael McKean and Leslie Ann Warren.

Mustard: "Who would want to kill the cook?"
Scarlett: "Dinner wasn't THAT bad."

And here's the fabulous Eileen Brennan with Colleen Camp:

Peacock: "Is there um, a little girl's room?"
Yvette: "Oui oui, madame..."
Peacock: "No, no I just need to powder my nose."

And of course, rounding out the cast, hysterical Tim Curry, Christopher Lloyd, and Martin Mull (hidden behind Peacock's fascinator):

Undercover: "But your souls are in danger!"
Peacock: "Our LIVES are in danger, you beatnik!"

This movie is one I have almost entirely memorized and I'm probably the worst person to watch it with for the first time because I want so desperately for you to love it just as much as I do. I'll stop it after a joke and say something like "GET IT?!?!! A MAN CALLED HOOVER? CLEANING UP AFTER MURDERS???" But if you haven't seen it and you enjoy comedies and slapstick especially, then you really should give it a try. The cast makes it absolutely fantastic, and eventually you forget this thing is based off a board game. And in a world where they can remake Clash of the Titans with awesome effects but still make it suck, it's sort of refreshing to know what they could do once upon a time with a board game.

Look how CUTE Tim Curry was. RIP cute face

2. Monty Python and the Holy Grail

I really don't think I have to explain my fascination, adoration, obsession and respect for/with this movie. I mean, you know a person is a genius at comedy when a budget shortage (they could only afford one horse, the one the knight rides while slaying the historian Frank) creates one of the best known gags around, using coconuts for the hoofbeat effects. And to top it off, they added the opening skit to mock themselves and it worked.

It's hilarious, start to finish, and I think everyone, everyone knows these movies and all the funny skits within. I mean, one of the nuns in my Catholic all girls' high school played this on the last day before winter break in her history class, and my English teacher, Sister Mary Veronica, let me out to go watch it because she knew how much I loved it. Now that is humor that can transcend. Although I stupidly asked SMV if she ever saw Life of Brian and her face turned serious and she said it was the most blasphemous thing ever, so I guess it's hit or miss. But STILL. This movie, is a hit. Let's take a look, shall we?

Arthur: "Your arm's off."
Black Knight: "No it isn't."

I could go on and on throughout the whole scene, quoting left and right but this is the first glimpse in this scene of where the jokes are going, and while we know there are three more jokes coming (one arm and two legs), the laughs never stop.

"Come back here, I'll bite yer legs off!"

Bedevere: "And what do we burn apart from witches?"
Peasant (Idle): "MORE WITCHES"

And of course, we can't forget how that whore turned John Cleese into a newt. "......... I got better..."

Now, it could be because I'm French but I'm pretty sure the French scene here is one of the most hilarious in the entire movie.

Galahad: "he says they've already GOT one"
Arthur: "Can we come up and take a look?"
Knight: "Non! Of course not!"
Arthur (or Galahad? ack, I'm slipping!): "Well why not?"
Knight: "Because you are English type-suh"
Arthur: "Well what are YOU then!"
Knight: "I'm French! Why do you think I 'ave this outRAAAGEOUS accent, you silly king?"

I mean, come on. This is just the tip of the iceberg on the hilarity scale of just this scene alone, and I'm not even talking about the wooden rabbit or the finale scene either.

I'm taking up so much space with this single post, I gotta condense but I can't stop without....

The Holy Hand Grenade:

Tim the Magician:

The Knights of Ni:

And the Castle Anthrax ("It's not a very good name, is it?"):

"And then, the oral sex!"

3. The Great Muppet Caper

I feel a little weird adding this movie right after a quote about fellatio but this list is in order of favorites and the list can. not. lie!

Anyways, I've obviously watched this movie ever since I was a little kid and yes, even in high school it was on the famed movie rotation. I woke up to C-Span every morning, after the tapes would run their course (I'd long been asleep). I just never got sick of these three movies.

I'm not a musical kind of girl (except for my love for Phantom of the Opera, Les Mis, Wicked, and all the other muppet movies), but I can't get enough of Muppet movies. In fact, The Muppet Christmas Carol could easily be a runner up but it never snagged me the way these three have, so there you go. But seriously, I pour one out for my homie, Muppet Christmas Carol.

So back to this one. With this cast, where can you go wrong?

And Charlos Grodin and Diana Rigg were absolutely AWESOME working with the muppets.

"People aren't breathing down your neck..."

My favorite line of Lady Holliday's is when she's ranting to Piggy about her deadbeat brother (shown) and Piggy says "Why are you telling me all of this?" and Holliday says, with a careless wave of her hand, "It's plot exposition, it has to go somewhere" and for some reason it struck me as hilarious! And as a young kid it sort of taught me about how movies work, and WHY some character will be talking about something off topic. Because it has to go somewhere! In that way that only kids can get a wild kick out of something only semi-funny, that one hit me.

And I also want to say that I think it was semi-revolutionary, or at least extraordinarily impressive, to have Piggy and Kermit do the bike scene in the park:

And the songs! The best one by far is Happiness Hotel. "If you don't mind friendly animals and can learn to stand the smell then welcome home to Happiness Hotel!"

Little did I know that after a few cats, a 95lb dog and a toddler, I could basically sing the same thing about my own house as an adult.

Anyways. These movies are still big parts of me, my heart, my sense of humor and my fond memories. You know a little more about who I am (maybe more than desired or expected), and I hope you love these movies too, or if you've never seen them, at least give them a shot. And if you have seen them and hate them, then I will just have to start watching them on rotation again to right the bigger wrongs of this world and also to drive Todd insane.

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