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Tuesday, June 19, 2012


One of our favorite TV shows just revealed a minor plot detail for this season, and crazy enough it is pretty close to a major theme in the story I've written that I hope to one day publish if I could ever get my ass off the internet in order to finish the editing process.

That's one of my biggest fears. Once I was in the middle of writing this rad story and then a fucking MOVIE came out and it was basically the same plot. Since we live in Tucson which is close enough to LA and since I was spending a lot of my free time in bars back then, I was convinced I'd talked too much about my Genius Book Idea in public and that some one from LA stole it and wrote a screenplay about it.

What, I am not paranoid!

Anyways, that got me thinking about fears. Now, I won't bore everyone with I'm Afraid to Die (since I already blogged about that) but also because DUH that is a pretty basic fear and where is the fun in that? Same with harm coming to my loved ones, etc. Here are some really stupid fears that I cannot shake no matter how old and wise I become, for your amusement and confusion.

1. First off, and I don't care WHO disagrees with me because it is a known fact that sharks live in the deep ends of pools, specifically at night. They get in there through the drain and are able to shrink to fit, sort of like an octopus or a small kitten or something, and the expand to roughly twice the size of the shark in Jaws even though that shark couldn't fit in the deep end. IT HAPPENS OK. THEY ARE THERE. YOU SWIM FAST THROUGH THE DEEP END AT NIGHT PEOPLE. Oh god, I get the shivers just thinking about it.

Granted, I'm terrified of large bodies of water in general so I guess it doesn't come as a surprise that I shrink down that fear into one scary sea creature and throw it in a seemingly (SEEMINGLY) harmless backyard swimming pool. There is this man made lake here called Pena Blanca? And when my dad told me it was probably 100 feet deep while we were swimming in it? I could have killed him. I could have died. Instantly, there was a monster in that lake. Then the bass started nibbling on my toes and I think I flew to shore I was so terrified.

2. Bathtubs in multi-floor apartment buildings or hotels freak me out. I am convinced the bathtub above mine will smash through the floor and crush me. Don't even get me started on how unsettling it is when you can hear the people in the apartment/room above you using the tub at the same time. I remember the first bath I had in my first apartment, which was in a single story triplex and I was SO RELIEVED, and I remember literally looking up at the ceiling and being so happy.

3. I used to have these horrible dreams of my teeth falling out and that used to be a huge fear of mine, so much so that after one particularly realistic dream (they ALWAYS start out innocently enough until I realize all my teeth are so loose I can just pluck them out of my mouth), I called my mother and made her promise me that she would help get me permanent teeth implants if it ever were to happen.

Anyways, those dreams never happen anymore. My dad told me once they were all about vanity and I wonder if that might be true. One dream site said that the teeth falling out represented death but since I'm still totally scared about dying and yet have no more teeth-related dreams, I don't think that's true. The dreams stopped when shit in life started getting real, so I think my focus drifted towards more than just being an extremely attractive woman. Hahahahaha.

4. These motherfuckers:

WHY IS THIS PERSON HOLDING SATAN IN HIS HANDS?!  I highly doubt I need to get into the reasons why this land leviathan scares me, but for those of you reading this who have never experienced the terror of an air borne palo verde beetle (YES THEY FLY), the reason why they suck so hard is because they fly the way a drunk person walks AKA without rhyme or reason. They fly right so you dodge left but then it's HEY JIL I AM HERE LOL LETS HUG AND KISS XOXO, PV BEETLE and my god, you need a fucking valium after an encounter like that and if you don't believe me please LOOK AT THE PHOTO

5.  We already discussed zombies!

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