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Tuesday, May 1, 2012


So... Okay, so I know I always sound really mean about the pets, especially the cat. Even when I post about how rad Patton is, I usually include all his insanely annoying habits (licking sweat off my arms after I come home from the gym makes me want to throw up everything, like throw up the whole world). And then there's the cat.

Have I even done a positive Bingley post since the day we got him? Mostly that's because approximately an hour after I took all the cute kitten photos on the evening we got him, he took an enormous wet crap and stepped in it and basically did that twice a day, every day for like three weeks.

That starts to wear a person down, after awhile.

Bingley's most favorite things to do are:

-Bite people
-Scratch Alex
-Attack the dog
-Drink water from ANYWHERE BUT HIS WATER BOWL. This means toilets while you're still USING them, vases of flowers, my glass of iced tea, water from the sink while you are washing your face
-Run through the back door and hide in the thorny bushes
-Taking lots of shits and still occasionally stepping in it
-Caterwauling between the hours of 3am and 5am
-Never washing his butthole and therefore leaving poopy imprints on our couch and bed

Oh God, why do we still have this cat?

Because, he's Bingley. And for some fucked up reason we all still seem to like him, at least, when one of us isn't scrubbing poop stain off micro-suede and since Alex doesn't do that (YET), I mean, when Todd and I aren't scrubbing poop stain off micro-suede. Because when we do that task, it's all we can do not to throttle him.

Anyways, I digress. I don't know what from, but I do digress. On our Epic Date Night, the rat bastard kepet trying to escape outside, and since our previous two cats were devoured by coyotes, outside time is strictly forbidden. But date night was special. We were jolly, high on life, and decided to give Bingley a little taste of supervised freedom.

He sat pretty calmly in Todd's lap for awhile, more than likely plotting revenge or escape or both. But it was nice spending a wee bit of time with him. Plus, his butt was clean so there was no imminent fecal threat.

That picture is my favorite. "My God, it's full of stars!"

Anyways, I can't promise a heart full of pure, fiery love whenever I think of this cat. But we actually do love him, and we're keeping him. Even though Todd, just the other day, said if he wails in the hallway at 4am one more time he's getting kicked out in the back yard to which I had to say "We can't kill him just because he's meowing" to which Todd replied "We can't?" Because he is sweet, on his own time. Oh my God, the other day you guys? He came up to me? On the bed? And curled up? AND PURRED?! And I was like "Todd wake up Bingley is purring and I don't know what to make of it" and the weirdest thing was that Todd actually did wake up to go "No shit?"

1 comment:

  1. LOL I had no idea Bingley was such a pain in the ass! Love this post