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Monday, April 2, 2012

I love shutters

Ok, so I know there's all this talk about the zombie apocalypse due to some pretty gnarly side effects of using fucking BATH SALTS as drugs. But that's not what kept me up Monday night for a sadly large chunk of time, freaking out over whether or not zombies are coming.

I posted awhile back about that zombie show The Walking Dead, and in that post I mentioned, perhaps braggingly so, that it hadn't even given me nightmares.

Well, it hasn't, not really, but it makes me so jumpy when I'm lying in bed and can't quiiiite get into the sleepy state. Then I think about zombies eating a horse or zombie kids or being stuck in the house, fearful for the lives of my baby, husband and me. And then my eyes fly open, and I panic. How will we get food? Shell is real close but it's on a corner of two busy streets, there will be so many zombies out there. Will the dog have to shit in the house? Our backyard is fenced, and the zombies in The Walking Dead are nice and slow and can't figure shit out, but in 28 Days Later? In the words of Bridget Jones: Fuuuuuuuuuuck because those zombies run faster than I do towards a bowl of pasta and a glass of red wine.

Which brings me to the subject of this post: shutters. More specifically, our fabulous, super rad, rolling shutters. When those bad boys are down, the house looks like a fall out shelter, which makes me so, so happy. One night, lying in bed, I was talking zombies with Todd -- mind you we haven't watched an episode of TWD in months. Like, months and months -- and I told him that I really wished we had shutters over the door. But those would be electronic ones and I guess since the backdoor slider's shutter once got stuck and needed repairing, it could also be a dealth trap BUT STILL. When your house can go into post-apocalyptic shut down mode, all of a sudden two securty gates and a shitload of locks seems like child's play.

I've talked with my dad about sleeping up at his, my mom's and stepdad's place (yeah you read that righit), but the windows are so big and so unguarded. There are acres of quiet, dark desert all around them, there is no big smelly German shepherd protecting them, and did I mention there are no rolling shutters up there?!?! I was a basket case at the very idea.

I love my shutters and I highly recommend them to anyone, but specifically to parents. There are a few current situations in our country right now of children being abducted from their beds. Regardless of the parents' potential involvement, for a child to be snatched from her bed... That is just unimaginable. That is torturous fear. Soon after one of the cases came to light, my father called me and asked if I was ok. I said yes, of course, it's a tragedy but why would I be freaking out? And he kind of brought up that anxiety I had had, and I said "Oh! Dad, you're forgetting: ROLLING SHUTTERS."

So last night, I was somewhat content; if we woke the next day to a desolate landscape marked with the shuffling, dead-eyed walkers, well hey! We have our shutters! Although a few times we've forgotten to close the shutter's in Alex's room 100% of the way, and she's woken at like 7am to the sunlight sifting in through the cracks. By the way, that's another added bonuse: that baby sleeps like a champion  in her dark, cool, zombie-free safe room.

Anyways, since we've sometimes flubbed with the shutters in her room, I freaked out AGAIN and, at around 12:30am, I shook my husband awake to ask, beg, PLEAD WITH HIM: "Are Bug's shutters all the way down? ARE THEY?" in a panicked stage whisper. He assured me he'd checked them three times before we said night night. There's a difference between checking shutters to ensure against attacks by zombies and checking shutters to ensure a longer night's sleep, but I guess many parents would tell you that the severity of the situation is pretty even.

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