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Tuesday, April 10, 2012


1. I fell in the gym last night. Yep. I was that girl. There's this machine where you do backward/upward leg curls to get your hamstrings and glutes. You step up on a plate, rest your stomach on a padded rest and lean over, grabbing handlebars and resting your forearms on two other padded rests. Then you place one foot on the um, the foot plate, so it looks like you're about to kick a ball or something? Adjust the weight and push your foot back, activating the hammies and the butt muscles.

Ok, so the important part here is that you step up on a plate. I'd used this machine before, and so I wasn't scared. I was honey badger. I put down my water bottle, draped my towel where my stomach was going to rest, and did two sets on each leg until I couldn't fathom doing another rep. Then I got down.

By "got down" I mean I stepped down onto my water bottle, slipped off of it, twisted to try and catch myself, slammed the side of my right butt cheek into a protruding handle on the machine next to me (WHICH WAS CURRENTLY IN USE BY A GYM PATRON) and managed to regain my balance before face planting onto the floor. Did I mention this was during the post-5pm rush? Did I mention that the row of machines I was in was completely full of people so that I had no other place to hide and look busy? Did I mention that everyone was looking at me yet the only person who asked if I was all right was the man on the machine into which I had slammed my butt? Yeah, well, all those things are true. Moving on.

2. I've really managed to rein in the cussing around Alexandra. Now instead of saying "SHIT" after I say it, thanks to word replacement on my part now she says "Oh doggone it!" which is of course, adorable, especially these days when she correctly says "balloon" (instead of "baboon!!!") and "lotion" (instead of "sho-shin"). "Oh doggone it" comes out like "Oh dodogone it" or something.

However, now she's telling Patton to "LIE DOWN" and "SHUT UP" and I am like "Oh my God, I verbally assault the dog and am teaching Alexandra to do the same" so I guess it's back to the drawing room to work on sweetly telling Patton to "be quiet" before Alexandra picks up on my saying "Would you shut the fuck up forever before I pull all your fur out?" said in a stage whisper every time our neighbor slams his car door.

3. Downton Abbey season two finally cropped up on Netflix and we're already one disc deep into the series. SO happy we have this show in our clutches once more. Oh! And Game of Thrones is next on the list. Now if they could only get their crap together and put the second season of The Walking Dead on there, because I am so bored by having dreams with no zombies in them, and bored from lying in bed not wondering if the rolling shutters would hold up to a zombie attack.

4. After some slight setbacks (Chinese takeout, Greek Easter celebration, Easter itself, anyone?) I am ready to get serious about doing this Paleo diet. I noticed the other day after eating one of Alexandra's cheese sticks, in a fit of post-workout starvation, that I felt really gross and uncomfortable afterwards. Since I had eaten it in a lettuce wrap with nothing more but chicken, and since I eat chicken nearly every day (don't get me started on lettuce), I'm concluding it was the cheese. I actually don't eat a lot of dairy, and after the initial "OMG GIVE UP MY CHEESE??" it dawned on me that the only cheese I'd truly miss is parmesan which, as a hard cheese, isn't nearly as hard on my system.

Anyways, I've realized that what I don't want to give up are these: parmesan, pad thai and legumes. I know legumes are only edible if cooked and therefore off the Paleo list, but since I won't be eating a raw grean bean or yam any time soon, I'm counting them in. Pad thai, mmm. I love the noodles but they're not necessary. The sauce though... I don't know off the top of my head what is it in, but I won't give it up, no ma'am. Not even if it's full of flour and soy.

I did realize, however, that I also need more tools than just the internet for this one. I want to get a Paleo book, and then a Paleo cookbook. I need to be armed with more than just a 3/4-hearted desire to make a switch and nothing more, especially since we still have all these breads and crap in the house (you can only push a man so far; asking to take away his quesadillas is too far, I guess). So on payday this Friday, I'll be hitting up some bookstores.

5. You guys, I cannot BELIEVE I fell down at the gym. There is this huge raised ugly bruise on my side-butt and I would have had Todd take a photo (real close up so the bruise was all you saw) but then, everyone would know that was my butt, and I guess a photo would just add insult to injury (literally).

See you tomorrow for Wednesday Workout! And no, it won't include falling on your ass in a room full of strangers.

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