Coconut Curry Shrimp with Quinoa

Holy shit we had a carb for dinner! And you want to know something spooky and blood curdling? I could have had this dinner without the quinoa. It was nice but, you know, not necessary. I sort of wish I had used zucchini noodles or something. But let me stop bragging and give you the nitty gritty.

Coconut Curry Shrimp with Quinoa
serves two

2 tbsp coconut oil, divided
1 cup almond milk
1 lb jumbo shrimp, 16 - 25 count (doesn't it make you mad that they call them jumbo, when there could still be 25 to a pound?)
Curry powder
1/2 cup quinoa, washed and drained
Dehydrated ginger
Chicken bouillon powder
1 cup chopped red, yellow and/or orange bell pepper
1/2 onion, chopped
1 cup frozen broccoli florets
Garlic powder
1 large lime wedge
1/4 cup cilantro, chopped


So I'm really proud to announce that I sort of made this up. I didn't have coconut milk plus HOLY CALORIES BATMAN, so I took the rest of my almond milk, which is so delicious and high in calcium but quite low in calories, and added coconut milk. Presto! A delicious, sumptuous milk.

Anyways.

Take one tbsp of your coconut milk and melt it in the microwave. I just scooped it out into a ramekin. It won't take long either, since coconut oil will melt in your hands if you're, say, tossing veggies with it. Next, add it to your almond milk and set aside.

Peel and rinse your shrimp and set them out on a paper towel to dry. Season them liberally with curry powder.

Now, cook your quinoa according to package directions AKA one part quinoa, two parts water, boil that shit, then simmer that shit til the liquid's gone. I added my ginger to the quinoa for an extra punch. I also added a dash of no sodium bouillon powder for some flavor.

Next up, heat the remaining tbsp of coconut oil to a large skillet and once it's piping, toss in your shrimp. When they're opaque on both sides, add all of your veggies and some garlic powder. Toss frequently (hey man it's a stir fry, there is a verb in that title, get to work).

Add your almond coconut milk and let the liquid cook down a bit. By the time your shrimp have firmed up a little more, the quinoa should be done. Keep the good stuff in the skillet warm and dish the quinoa into two bowls. Top with the awesomeness, and then top THAT with a squeeze of lime and the cilantro.

Ta-daaaa! I really feel like my cooking horizons have sort of opened up now that I've officially worked with coconut oil for a dinner dish, and not just those half assed parsnip chips I attempted last week. I highly recommend getting coconut oil and keeping it around for dishes such as these. I was inspired, for sure.

Enjoy!

Because smoothie, that's why!

Something I've noticed about going mostly grain free (fixing to have quinoa sweet potato cakes tonight, bitches!) is that I'm just not as OMG DEATH HUNGER throughout the day but mostly in the mornings. Ask Todd. All throughout our courtship and the first years of our marriage, he was woken up by my going "I'M HUNGRY. I WANT BREAKFAST. NOW"  Lately though, on the weekends I will often go until lunch before eating. I know I know, breakfast is the most important meal, but I'm not eating if I'm not hungry.

Saturday was no exception, and after starting the laundry, cleaning the kitchen, wrangling the toddler and showering and dressing, I realized I needed to bring a meal with me on the three hours' worth of errands that awaited us. So I threw together a smoothie, one I've discussed on here before. Alexandra was like GIVE ME IT so I poured a goodly amount in her cup and off we went.

Dudes, that smoothie is so good that in no time, from the backseat of the 4runner, I was hearing that swan song of desperate straw-sucking, the same sound that the dental assistant's spit sucker makes. She kept going MORE and I had to keep reaching back there at stoplights to adjust the straw and tilt the cup so she could maximize her results. Eventually I said fuck it, hopefully not out loud, and took the lid and straw out and told her to essentially go to town.

And boy did she ever!

This is from the Costco parking lot. Not only was I surpried that her Aurora doll still had her clothes on, but I was also surprised by how much smoothie got on her face. I must say, girly-pop gets her eating habits from her mom's side. We'll just call it gusto.

I like how she's all "Bitch, stop putting unflattering pictures of me on the internet" and I am like SUCK IT UP SISTER YOU ARE ADORABLE

"Really, mom? Really? Is this like so super happening to me right now? I am going to give you HELL when I turn 15. Hope you like older dudes with facial tattoos!"

Spinach chips!

I really wanted to make that title "Spinach chips, bitch!" because my God it has such a ring to it. But I like to keep my subject headings clean and save the filth for the actual posts. Aren't you lucky, mom!

Spinach Chips

Pre-washed baby spinach leaves
A small drizzle of olive oil
Sea salt

Set oven to 200. In a small bowl, toss the spinach with the oil and be very sparing with the oil. You'd be surprised at how far a little goes. Arrange in a single layer on a cookie sheet lined with parchment and sprinkle with salt, like so:

They look almost like little jewels, huh? Anyways, bake them for 15 minutes, and then check every 5 minutes afterwards until they're crisp and have no moist spots. Like so:

Enjoy!



WHAT THE HELL LASAGNA

I just ate carbless lasagna for dinner last night! Well, by carbless, I mean, no pasta. There are bound to be carbs in a tomato based sauce but it's definitely healthier than just pasta.

The trick is using grain-free "tortillas" which are essentially crepes. I got a little bitchy in my comments on her site, but the person behind Against All Grain is the creator of those crepes, which can be found here, and despite my aforementioned bitchiness, I will say that these worked and were excellent in my lasagna last night. That lasagna recipe can be found here, but I'm re-posting it because I did make some changes.

For one thing, cooked spinach grosses me right the fuck out, so where she had 2 cups spinach just sauteed, I'd change that to 2 cups chopped up spinach so nowhere do I experience a nasty limp and slimy leaf sitting on my tongue all by itself. NO THANK YOU. Plus do you know how easy it is to spread a measley two cups of sauteed spinach over multiple layers of ricotta-smeared delicate crepes? NOT EASY AT ALL thank you very much.


No Pasta Lasagna!
serves 4 - 6

10 of those crazy ass crepes, cut in half lengthwise
1 lb Trader Joe's Sicilian style chicken sausage, casings removed
2 cups ricotta (I used low fat and thusly had to add some almond milk to thin it out)
1 tsp basil
1 tsp oregano
salt and pepper
2 cups baby spinach, finely chopped
1 jar pasta sauce or marinara
8oz mozzarella shreds
Parmesan for sprinkling

So, if you're like me you're going to start off your night basically ignoring your toddler because GODDAMMIT you WILL make a fucking flourless crepe if your life depends on it. It will take two batches, four skillets and two glasses of white wine, but you finally accomplish your goal. Your child is unimpressed.

Preheat your oven to 375 and just you TRY to wipe that smug look off your face just because you produced 10 carbless crepes when you have never before made even a regular crepe in your LIFE.

Next, cook up your sausage using the last skillet that finally worked in your crepe endeavor, breaking it up into delicious crumbles. Drain on a paper-towel-lined plate.

Mix your ricotta and herbs and spices together.

Now, grease an 8x11 pyrex (I measured mine by taking a sheet of paper out of our printer and laying it in there. Did I ever tell you I have a degree in brains?) and drop a good couple of tablespoons of sauce in there, spreading it with a basting brush or whatever the hell you want. Can you tell I'm still feeling hostile about those crepes? You will too!

Place your crepes in there like noodles, and make sure to slightly overlap them so the filling doesn't seep through and shatter your delicate, carbless facade. Now, shmear on some ricotta, and yes, it's sort of a careful procedure. Just pour another glass out of that box you have on your counter and carry on.

Next, sprinkle some chopped spinach over that. Then, add some of the sausage. Then, sprinkle with mozzarella. And now some sauce! Use that basting brush, people! Then, add more crepes. GENIUS.

Repeat until you left with nothing but box of wine.

Pop that fucker in the oven for 25 - 30 minutes until it comes out looking like this badass:

EAT. MARVEL. REJOICE! Now, this was damn close to real lasagna. It tastes a wee bit dry and I'm betting that was more to do with my shitty low fat ricotta than anything else. This was awesome! It had me and my tastebuds fooled, Todd was over the moon with delight because that man loves the hell out of lasagna, and he was even saying crazy shit like restaurants need to have this as a healthier alternative. Wowzer!

Enjoy, folks! And if you want tips on those goddamn crepes, just let me know.

Losing My Religion.

Yesterday this gem popped out of a strange and randomly stormy day. It was gone before you knew it, but luckily a coworker alerted me to its presence. "It's like God is saying everything's okay!" he say jokingly, but considering how this photo doesn't come near to doing the rainbow justice, it sort of was like a giant, glowing, gorgeous message from God. I heard Bob Marley in my head singing "Every little thing, gonna be all right" and it put a smile on my face.

Anyways, early this morning I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. Some song (no Bob Marley unfortunately) was stuck in my head. Now, often times when this happens, and it happens a lot, I like to say the Our Father in my head to smooth away annoying lyrics, and quite frankly to soothe myself. I don't go to church nearly as often as I'd like, but my goodness does our child seem to sleep in on Sundays more than any other day. And I really don't feel like hauling ass feeling fat and unattractive in a dressy outfit, chasing down goldfish and books and toys to go sit in church with a squirming toddler.

Anyways, saying the Our Father, or the guardian angel prayer, or the Hail Mary, or the Apostles Creed when I can remember it, is a comfort to me. I often repeat one of those prayers a few times, add in some personal shout outs to the Lord on behalf of my loved ones, and then, miraculously (it IS a prayer to the Lord after all), I will drift off to sleep.

Anyways (JUST KIDDING, wanted to make that three out of four paragraphs starting with Anyways).

But this morning, something happened. I got to "as we forgive those who trespass against us" and I drew an absolute and utter blank. I have been saying this prayer for most of my life, I know it like the back of my hand. What does the back of my hand look like? Now I'm panicking because I desperately want to look down at my typing fingers. Are those my hands? I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S REAL ANYMORE

I started over, and boom, right at the trespass/forgive/other people line, I hit a wall. And it made me sad. It freaked me out a bit too. I felt a little lost, and a little lonely. I believe in God, so if you don't the next line will make you eye-roll. I do believe God is always listening, but for some reason, having my prayer interrupted by an utter brain fail made me feel like the call got dropped. I felt disconnected and sorrowful for that feeling. I kept repeating it over and over and over again, and I never got back to sleep. The moment I got to the office I sat down, and boom, like a wave of relief, the words came to me.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen. That's the version I've known and loved, and it felt like a warm embrace to say those words, silently to myself. It made me miss church, and mayber, just maybe, I'll squeeze into something presentable on Sunday and shovel Cheerios and goldfish into my girl's mouth so I can try to listen to the priest before she inevitably says fuck this shit by throwing a tantrum.

I love you, Lord! Sorry about the dropped call, I'll check in with my service provider. Unless Alex sleeps in. Sorry. Forgive me? Yeah, I thought so. Thanks, God. Every little thing, gonna be all right.

Old Faithful.

Todd has to take his ring off when he teaches kung fu or works out or does heavy labor, because his ring is made of tungsten, and it's so durable and hard core that if you hurt your hand, you won't hurt the ring. But you won't be able to get the ring OFF if you injure that finger. Some guy in some line at some place had a tungsten ring and told Todd this. It could all be a lie! But still, those are the times he removes his ring.

I never take mine off. Well, okay, not never, but it is extremely an absolute rare event when I do. A few days ago, I took some pictures. Here's the proof:

My God, my pinky looks positively stubby in that photo. But anyways, I love how the lines above and below my ring set are like my knuckle creases. Permanent. A part of me, a part of my very anatomy and physical make up.

I also like how there is very obviously something missing without my rings. Like my body has saved a place for them, for when they get back. Maybe I should get them enlarged. I tried my mom's rings on and they slide right on, and her fingers are absolutely tiny. So I know my rings are, obviously, a little snug. They always have been because it feels safer and more secure to have them that way. But there's that story about a tree growing around a bicycle so I don't know. I do enjoy this very obvious display of devotion though.

Wednesday Workout (on Thursday)!

Okay, so I did do this workout yesterday, which is why it's still called a Wednesday Workout. Anyways, what I love about this workout is that it really focuses on the back, which is an area I tend to unintentionally ignore. So it's nice to know that this little routine, designed by Todd, can always give my back a sucker punch in a good way.

Do each exercise 15- 20 times (12 if you get wiped out), and do the whole circuit 3 times, no rests except for water. And I don't recommend drinking water before your third round of push-ups. Just putting that out there.

WORKOUT WONDER!

15 pushups
20 sprinter crunches. Lie on your back, legs straight and arms stretched overhead (on the floor). With a quick burst of energy, bring your left elbow and right knee together. Sort of like a bicycle crunch but not? Todd suggests doing them very quickly. Don't forget to use your abs though, and not momentum to get up there.
15 tricep chair dips.
20 Russian twists
15 squats with a medicine ball. Squat down, throw the ball on the floor, catch it as it bounces up and raise up, lifting the ball high over your head until arms are fully extended. That's one.

Now rinse and repeat three times, and enjoy the happy, sore muscles tomorrow.