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Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Sleepy Sleeperson

Last night, the stage had been perfectly set for some epic sleep. I had an absolutely kickass workout, I walked the dog, and we had an amazing comfort-food dinner of oven fried eggplant parmesan with a side of NOT PALEO DIET pasta and it was epic and awesome. No booze, no caffeine since 3pm. Watched TV until sleepy, read a little of Toddler 411 for old times' sake ("Babe, apparently Alex still needs vitamin D supplements!"), and with drooping eyelids, I shut the book and turned off the light.

Bing! Eyes wide open. Restless leg syndrome struck which was exacerbated by my gross leg hair snagging the sheets each time I squirmed. God, I really need to shave, I thought. Which led to this series of thoughts:

It's like I need pantyhose to sleep!

Who wears pantyhose these days?

Kate Middleton AKA Duchess of Cambridge, that's who.

God, she wears the prettiest dresses.

Her wedding dress was insane.

I hear the Queen called her wedding dress display "hideous" lol

Their balcony kiss was sort of lame though.

Why am I thinking about the Royal Wedding right now?

::Thinks back.::

Oh right, shaving my legs. God, they're so hairy.

Then I started getting a song stuck in my head, so I reverted to my tried and true method for ridding a song from my mind in bed: I think of the Harry Potter theme. It will never ever not ever no way get old to me, and it always makes me happy and calms me.

So I did that. Then about 423758947 other things popped into my head, thankfully none of them involving Kate Middleton. But unfortunately the pesky leg hair thing did continue to irritate.

Then I got hot. Then my arms would get uncomfortable. Then I started coughing when I swallowed my spit wrong. And finally after all this crap, I drifted off, only to be jolted awake by something in my dream.

And THEN the worst happened, I had a horrible dream that Alexandra had some horrible life threatening condition, something to do with her ears, and how the solution would be the insertion of some device but, if it "activates" or something, it could end up killing her too. We took her to Phoenix where this horribly aloof doctor performed these tests on her, and Alex just kept looking at me with pleading eyes, all while I'm thinking to myself, "This can't be happening... Wait, I don't think this is true... I have to be dreaming" and at that point I'd briefly wake, thinking to my groggy self She doesn't have any condition, this is just a dream but at the same time, the dream felt so FAMILIAR, that I'd wonder, now back in the dream, if I had just repressed the thought because it was so horrific.

AND THEN Alexandra woke herself from a nightmare with the most pitiful, sorrowful wail and the timing was so shitty it was all I could do to keep myself from checking on her. Granted, I'm glad I didn't because she went right back to sleep, but still, I could have really used some cuddles from my girl.

Eventually, I fell back asleep but still, being too hot and unable to find a comfortable position kept me tossing and turning the entire night until my alarm went off. In my state, I fleetingly, blessedly thought it was one of my days off and figured I forgot to turn off my alarm. Alas, I was wrong, or as Dumbledore would say, Alas: earwax!

Maybe I shouldn't watch True Blood at 9pm, or a National Geographic special on T-Rex. I don't know. But last night was one hell of a doozy, and despite being in bed for 8 hours, I feel like I only got maybe 5 good quality hours of sleep. Oh well. Tonight is another night.

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