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Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Chicken Satays!

Well what the fuck! Why didn't anyone except that crazy ass British woman, on that one British weight loss show where she actually makes the overweight "guest" show her a piece of their turds, tell me how delicious chicken satays are?!


I got this recipe from The Food Network's website and did mostly everything to a T. So if you want to skip this FRAUD of a food post, GO FOR IT

If you enjoy random acts of capslock and bad photography with snarling commentary, then settle back, grab your well liquor cocktail and read on, motherfuckers

(sorry mom)

Chicken Satays with Peanut Sauce
serves 2

  • 1 cup plain yogurt
  • 1 teaspoon freshly grated ginger
  • 1 teaspoon minced garlic
  • 1 tablespoon curry powder
  • 8 - 12oz chicken tenderloins
  • Wooden skewers, soaked in water 30 minutes (I gave up on these because dude - and if satays means skewers then I guess I just made CHICKEN LONELINESS tonight)
  • Olive oil or vegetable oil if you are crazy about that shit, for grilling
  • Romaine lettuce leaves, washed because once I found a half dead moth in a head of lettuce
  • Fresh cilantro leaves, finely chopped
  • Peanut sauce that you obviously buy at Trader Joe's because COME ON, I am too busy watching America's Got Talent and drinking to make this shit for myself


Mix the first four ingredients in a shallow dish, and dip, dredge, submerge, slather, the chicken into it. Pick a verb! I love pinot noir!! Anyways. Cover all the chicken tenderloins in the marinade, wrap it up and refrigerate it for up to two hours.

Now, go on a dog walk with your family and run into a shirtless barefoot friend of your husband's who is driving by you and instead of getting out of the car to say hey, just stares at you through the tinted windshield long enough that you begin to wonder if he wants to run over you in his blue Sebring or whatever it was.

You are now home and non-run over, so TIME TO COOK!

Put those chicken tenders on a skewer! 

Weird, huh? Trust me that guy from Food Network!

Heat your griddle skillet to medium high, brushing it with oil so the meat don't stick. Throw them bitches on the griiiiiiddle!!!

So, the recipe said to do this with only medium heat, not medium high, and it also seemed to assume that everyone has a goddamn range that will work like the one a chef from the Food Network has, which is a lying lie from a liar who lies. So after awhile, I upped the heat, and finally got some browning on my meat popsicles


But then I noticed how god-awful uneven the cooking was. So I said later to the skewers in a fit of RAGE

I finally got the chicken in the center of my griddle, directly under the heat, and shit got real in a matter of minutes.

As they sizzled, I prepped my lettuce and cilantro...

Then I plated the bad ass chicken plus the veggies I made that I'm not blogging about because who gives a shit:


These were so tasty, and so fun, and so different. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did and if you already knew about this recipe from like YEARS AGO then I hope you know that somehow my that guy's recipe is better than yours.

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