God Bless You, Mark's Daily Apple.

Okay, so like, I am a total convert to this Paleo/Primal lifestyle. Sure I still enjoy occasional cheese, my wine and my martinis, but aside from that, it's all out of here. Gluten makes me feel like crap. Grains make me feel bloated, burpy and gross. Yesterday we had fried chicken and I did use 2tbsp flour and some Panko, and felt okay after, but I had spent the entire day grain and legume free, and by golly it felt great.

I was experiencing a lot of reluctance and resistance to going full out Paleo but then I got into Mark's Daily Apple. His way of life is what he calls Primal and I just love it. He put up one of his typical days of eating on his site, and it showed he had an ounce of Gouda, a glass of wine, and tons of veggies with some great cuts of meat. I was like, I CAN DO THAT. And I fell in love!

Paleo fanatics are intensely strict about what they can't eat. No gluten or grains (corn included), no legumes or cheese, no sugars outside of fruit, no alcohol or caffeine, and we all just died inside a little, am I right?

But what I love about going Primal, a la Mark's Daily Apple, is that the major emphasis is on grains and gluten. Get that shit outta here. Dairy is pretty heavily restricted, especially if you have intolerance towards it, but if you can handle it, as in, if your body doesn't react poorly to it, go ahead. Don't go nuts, but enjoy.

And I'm like, YAY because parmesan. That is all.

I highly encourage you to check out the site and subscribe to get his daily newsletters. They're informative, motivational and humorous. Sure, I have my cheat meals, as evidenced by last night's amahzing fried chicken with omg gluten, but by and large I've been grainless since January 4th. I was only going to do this a month but I don't want to stop. Thanks to Mark Sisson, I really think I can handle it. There seems to be a much more laid back approach with the Primal method. I'll admit the second I read "gouda" on his FitDay meal tracker I was sold like bakelite at a jewelry auction.

Another thing that he discusses is the Primal way to get in your exercise. He goes into it here about how endless cardio workouts just get you nowhere. Now, we all know these days that strength training, intervals, etc, are far more beneficial than ever before considered, but Mark really drives home what is best, and I'd like to share the pyramid he lays out for the visually driven.

While I am a huge fan of running, and know first hand how well it can keep you in shape, I am very interested in this perspective, especially considering how intensely fit and in shape he is for a fifty-something. Plus, since my feet are so jacked up from plantar faciitis and since I somehow significantly injured my right ankle/heel this past weekend, this stuff is super doable. I'll already have logged over 26 miles on my bike this week and I did a great Todd workout last night so I'm already right in there with the Primal thing.

I've been really enjoying switching over to more veggies and meat and fats, less carbs, and little to no grain. I've enjoyed making dog walks a top priority to my late afternoons and focusing on getting my workouts in. After the intense training schedule I did for the triathlon, I really lost my steam and omg-gotta-get-to-the-gym mentality, because I was drained. I was sick of swimming, biking and running. I wanted to take a nap.

I don't currently have a gym membership either. I have a bike, I have weights and kettlebells and stability balls and jump ropes and yoga mats at home. All the tools are in my hands, and I've got Mark's Daily Apple to thank for lighting the fire under my butt to get healthier and get back in the game, both with fitness and with my diet. As one contributor to his site said, it's better to be a fit dad (or mom) than a fat dad (or mom) for not just yourself but for your whole family. And by fat, I don't just mean physically, but mentally as well.

Anyways, I guess I'm done fan-girling over here.

Sweet Potato Chiiiiiiips

Another faux chip post! Aren't you lucky! Why, yes you are. Tonight you can make these so you can eat them so you can soak up all that Friday night whiskey in your belly. Hey! Did I mention these are oil free?! Hey, did I mention I rode my bike this morning and am still jangling from the adrenalin rush that comes with riding a bike on a six lane street?! BLAHRSHBHABLARGHITY

Sweet Potato Chips

1 - infinity sweet potatoes, scrubbed and dried. NOT PEELED.
Sea salt

Set oven to 400. Using a mandolin, thinly slice your sweet potato. You know, I think I may have sliced mine a wee bit too thinly, as you can tell by some of the browned spots. Which actually didn't offend my allegedly extremely sensitive palate. So I don't like half a jar of olive brine in my martini, OKAY?! I AM NOT SENSITIVE. OKAY?!?!?! ::sobs::

Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper and place a single layer of sweet potato chips on top, and sprinkle liberally with sea salt.

Bake 10 minutes. Remove from oven, flip each chip, say that three times fast, and return to oven for one to two minutes. Check back frequently because my first batch was destroyed in literally the last 30 seconds it was in the oven.

Allow to cool so they can crisp up even further and presto, delicious, healthy, oil-free, fry-free chips. And let me just tell you, an entire 5" long sweet potato is only 130 calories. That is a whole mess of chips. Tell THAT to the 10 measley fried potato chips you get in a 140 calorie serving. BOOM

God it's like I'm high off bike riding.

Peekaboo Park!

Today's been, well, today has been just swell. Got up at 9:45am, all three of us, because Alexandra is awesome and amazing like that. Thank God I got to all my chores yesterday because there just wouldn't have been time for them today with a sleep in like that. To say we are blessed beyond our wildest dreams is shortchanging the experience, let me tell you.

We went shopping today for some  new shirts for Alex since, thanks to mommy and daddy's tall people genes, she's almost too tall for 3Ts and she's not even three. Yeah, I know those are just a guideline but STILL. Our girl is a tall one and now she's got a few great new pieces that fit. Oh, and we had a lovely lunch, NO TEARS ON EITHER SIDE of her plate of food.

You know, can I take a moment here to just discuss how awesome she's become with food? Now, as a first time mommy, I had my handful of stressful, breastfeeding-hormone-induced freak-outs because she used to not eat anything! I mellowed out some and sure enough, without the stress and panics there was room for pleasure and exploration. She now eats lamb, brie and bleu cheeses, camembert is like, hey, no big deal. Girly-pop eats broccoli, peas, carrots and corn, cucumbers, tomatoes and lettuce. She tolerates sweet potatoes, a bit of sushi here and there, and entire side dishes of Mexican rice. I AM SO LUCKY. Because I'm not suggesting it's due to our refined palates or anything, trust me. I won the fucking lottery here.

Anyways, so yeah, a great protein-packed lunch, shopping trips, and I bought her some second hand tap shoes so the last twenty minutes before her nap were punctuated with the jolly, joyous staccato of her clap-trapping around the house, doing tap dance moves she saw on an Elmo video. It's all just been laid back and delightful, and the gorgeous day, sunny and in the seventies, sure did its best to add to all the good stuff going on.

We have a book here at home called Peekaboo Park and you follow a mom and toddler sun through the park, rhyming things and opening flaps to play "Peekaboo!" we found such and such. Well, that book was the first thing that came to mind when I saw this at the park this morning:

Like, oh my GOD people, what? And this wasn't even the cutest little face, because she was in that tube when a couple of huge military planes flew overhead and I asked her if she could see them. Her little face smooshed against that hole, wide eyes lifted skyward, oh man. I just can't even tell you.

My bestie Kendra went with us and Alexandra absolutely ADORES her. The other day we went to the children's museum and Kendra, my Kenny B, met us there. When Alex saw her? Come into the room? Yeah. She stopped what she was doing, squealed in delight and ran over to hug Kendra. Tuesday afternoon? At the end of my lunch break? Yeah. I tried to kiss her and she shouted, hand raised like Magneto or a fucking Jedi, and screamed "I DON'T NEED A KISS."

So, in that picture up there, the joy of her gazing at Kendra is illuminated in those gorgeous eyes. Lucky Kenny.

Wouldn't it be funny if I said that she only had one hand gripping the peek-hole? Especially since I just mentioned an X-Man. I guess she'd be Grabbo Girl.

Hey you. Hey love of my life, light in my heart. Peekaboo, baby. I see you and I love you.

Coconut Curry Shrimp with Quinoa

Holy shit we had a carb for dinner! And you want to know something spooky and blood curdling? I could have had this dinner without the quinoa. It was nice but, you know, not necessary. I sort of wish I had used zucchini noodles or something. But let me stop bragging and give you the nitty gritty.

Coconut Curry Shrimp with Quinoa
serves two

2 tbsp coconut oil, divided
1 cup almond milk
1 lb jumbo shrimp, 16 - 25 count (doesn't it make you mad that they call them jumbo, when there could still be 25 to a pound?)
Curry powder
1/2 cup quinoa, washed and drained
Dehydrated ginger
Chicken bouillon powder
1 cup chopped red, yellow and/or orange bell pepper
1/2 onion, chopped
1 cup frozen broccoli florets
Garlic powder
1 large lime wedge
1/4 cup cilantro, chopped


So I'm really proud to announce that I sort of made this up. I didn't have coconut milk plus HOLY CALORIES BATMAN, so I took the rest of my almond milk, which is so delicious and high in calcium but quite low in calories, and added coconut milk. Presto! A delicious, sumptuous milk.

Anyways.

Take one tbsp of your coconut milk and melt it in the microwave. I just scooped it out into a ramekin. It won't take long either, since coconut oil will melt in your hands if you're, say, tossing veggies with it. Next, add it to your almond milk and set aside.

Peel and rinse your shrimp and set them out on a paper towel to dry. Season them liberally with curry powder.

Now, cook your quinoa according to package directions AKA one part quinoa, two parts water, boil that shit, then simmer that shit til the liquid's gone. I added my ginger to the quinoa for an extra punch. I also added a dash of no sodium bouillon powder for some flavor.

Next up, heat the remaining tbsp of coconut oil to a large skillet and once it's piping, toss in your shrimp. When they're opaque on both sides, add all of your veggies and some garlic powder. Toss frequently (hey man it's a stir fry, there is a verb in that title, get to work).

Add your almond coconut milk and let the liquid cook down a bit. By the time your shrimp have firmed up a little more, the quinoa should be done. Keep the good stuff in the skillet warm and dish the quinoa into two bowls. Top with the awesomeness, and then top THAT with a squeeze of lime and the cilantro.

Ta-daaaa! I really feel like my cooking horizons have sort of opened up now that I've officially worked with coconut oil for a dinner dish, and not just those half assed parsnip chips I attempted last week. I highly recommend getting coconut oil and keeping it around for dishes such as these. I was inspired, for sure.

Enjoy!

Because smoothie, that's why!

Something I've noticed about going mostly grain free (fixing to have quinoa sweet potato cakes tonight, bitches!) is that I'm just not as OMG DEATH HUNGER throughout the day but mostly in the mornings. Ask Todd. All throughout our courtship and the first years of our marriage, he was woken up by my going "I'M HUNGRY. I WANT BREAKFAST. NOW"  Lately though, on the weekends I will often go until lunch before eating. I know I know, breakfast is the most important meal, but I'm not eating if I'm not hungry.

Saturday was no exception, and after starting the laundry, cleaning the kitchen, wrangling the toddler and showering and dressing, I realized I needed to bring a meal with me on the three hours' worth of errands that awaited us. So I threw together a smoothie, one I've discussed on here before. Alexandra was like GIVE ME IT so I poured a goodly amount in her cup and off we went.

Dudes, that smoothie is so good that in no time, from the backseat of the 4runner, I was hearing that swan song of desperate straw-sucking, the same sound that the dental assistant's spit sucker makes. She kept going MORE and I had to keep reaching back there at stoplights to adjust the straw and tilt the cup so she could maximize her results. Eventually I said fuck it, hopefully not out loud, and took the lid and straw out and told her to essentially go to town.

And boy did she ever!

This is from the Costco parking lot. Not only was I surpried that her Aurora doll still had her clothes on, but I was also surprised by how much smoothie got on her face. I must say, girly-pop gets her eating habits from her mom's side. We'll just call it gusto.

I like how she's all "Bitch, stop putting unflattering pictures of me on the internet" and I am like SUCK IT UP SISTER YOU ARE ADORABLE

"Really, mom? Really? Is this like so super happening to me right now? I am going to give you HELL when I turn 15. Hope you like older dudes with facial tattoos!"

Spinach chips!

I really wanted to make that title "Spinach chips, bitch!" because my God it has such a ring to it. But I like to keep my subject headings clean and save the filth for the actual posts. Aren't you lucky, mom!

Spinach Chips

Pre-washed baby spinach leaves
A small drizzle of olive oil
Sea salt

Set oven to 200. In a small bowl, toss the spinach with the oil and be very sparing with the oil. You'd be surprised at how far a little goes. Arrange in a single layer on a cookie sheet lined with parchment and sprinkle with salt, like so:

They look almost like little jewels, huh? Anyways, bake them for 15 minutes, and then check every 5 minutes afterwards until they're crisp and have no moist spots. Like so:

Enjoy!



WHAT THE HELL LASAGNA

I just ate carbless lasagna for dinner last night! Well, by carbless, I mean, no pasta. There are bound to be carbs in a tomato based sauce but it's definitely healthier than just pasta.

The trick is using grain-free "tortillas" which are essentially crepes. I got a little bitchy in my comments on her site, but the person behind Against All Grain is the creator of those crepes, which can be found here, and despite my aforementioned bitchiness, I will say that these worked and were excellent in my lasagna last night. That lasagna recipe can be found here, but I'm re-posting it because I did make some changes.

For one thing, cooked spinach grosses me right the fuck out, so where she had 2 cups spinach just sauteed, I'd change that to 2 cups chopped up spinach so nowhere do I experience a nasty limp and slimy leaf sitting on my tongue all by itself. NO THANK YOU. Plus do you know how easy it is to spread a measley two cups of sauteed spinach over multiple layers of ricotta-smeared delicate crepes? NOT EASY AT ALL thank you very much.


No Pasta Lasagna!
serves 4 - 6

10 of those crazy ass crepes, cut in half lengthwise
1 lb Trader Joe's Sicilian style chicken sausage, casings removed
2 cups ricotta (I used low fat and thusly had to add some almond milk to thin it out)
1 tsp basil
1 tsp oregano
salt and pepper
2 cups baby spinach, finely chopped
1 jar pasta sauce or marinara
8oz mozzarella shreds
Parmesan for sprinkling

So, if you're like me you're going to start off your night basically ignoring your toddler because GODDAMMIT you WILL make a fucking flourless crepe if your life depends on it. It will take two batches, four skillets and two glasses of white wine, but you finally accomplish your goal. Your child is unimpressed.

Preheat your oven to 375 and just you TRY to wipe that smug look off your face just because you produced 10 carbless crepes when you have never before made even a regular crepe in your LIFE.

Next, cook up your sausage using the last skillet that finally worked in your crepe endeavor, breaking it up into delicious crumbles. Drain on a paper-towel-lined plate.

Mix your ricotta and herbs and spices together.

Now, grease an 8x11 pyrex (I measured mine by taking a sheet of paper out of our printer and laying it in there. Did I ever tell you I have a degree in brains?) and drop a good couple of tablespoons of sauce in there, spreading it with a basting brush or whatever the hell you want. Can you tell I'm still feeling hostile about those crepes? You will too!

Place your crepes in there like noodles, and make sure to slightly overlap them so the filling doesn't seep through and shatter your delicate, carbless facade. Now, shmear on some ricotta, and yes, it's sort of a careful procedure. Just pour another glass out of that box you have on your counter and carry on.

Next, sprinkle some chopped spinach over that. Then, add some of the sausage. Then, sprinkle with mozzarella. And now some sauce! Use that basting brush, people! Then, add more crepes. GENIUS.

Repeat until you left with nothing but box of wine.

Pop that fucker in the oven for 25 - 30 minutes until it comes out looking like this badass:

EAT. MARVEL. REJOICE! Now, this was damn close to real lasagna. It tastes a wee bit dry and I'm betting that was more to do with my shitty low fat ricotta than anything else. This was awesome! It had me and my tastebuds fooled, Todd was over the moon with delight because that man loves the hell out of lasagna, and he was even saying crazy shit like restaurants need to have this as a healthier alternative. Wowzer!

Enjoy, folks! And if you want tips on those goddamn crepes, just let me know.