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Friday, July 19, 2013

I Think I sHIIT My Pants

Okay, so.

So! I am so excited. Amped. Pumped!

Remember earlier this week when I linked to Dooce, and then afterwards to Bodyrock? Well I did more poking around, and Bodyrock led me to Daily HIIT and so far all week I've done these 12 minute kick your ass HIIT (that stands for high intensity interval training, mom) routines, and consequently, I've been sore for the week.

I signed up for the HIIT beginner challenge, and they email you a workout a day. I was hooked instantly when four seemingly innocuous exercises, done for 50 seconds with 10 seconds between, three times in a  row, kicked my ass and made me sweat as if I'd just run three miles. I mean, come on. What? 12 minutes manifests intself into a 5k's worth of sweat and exhaustion? I'm not limping the next day (more than usual)? IS THIS SPARTA?

Yesterday was a stretch day but since Jilly pups over here drank the koolaid I was like oh hell no, and I (virtually) marched onto their website, found another workout and proceeded to pound it out while Alex screeched "I WANT ATTENNEN" while eating her dinner of pasta and parmesan, like who the fuck wants attention while eating pasta? I want a dark room and zero witnesses.

By the way, if a toddler is fake coughing while eating her food and you pause your work out to ask fondly, sweatily, "Aww, do you want attention?" and she goes "Uh-huh" and you laugh sweetly and ruffle her hair and feed her a bite of bell pepper, just don't. Quantam leap yourself to the past and stop yourself from saying "do you want attention?" because she is going to go FUCK YES I AM THREE for the duration of your workout.

This is my workout from yesterday.

This is the beginner challenge.

Now, while I love the content, the actual website layout is not my favorite for a few reasons; the first workout I linked you to is the fourth in the HIIT Body program series, but there's not a way to find the first three. Yeah yeah, there are arrows to each side of the program link, but they don't go anywhere. I have a feeling this is a relatively new website, since their Blog page is in Beta.

The second reason is that their workouts are not categorized as beginner, intermediate or advanced. I mean, look, I've been working out for almost a decade, but there are still plenty of ways that exercise could make me injure myself or worse, throw up on my living room floor (but it's concrete, Jil!), and I also like knowing in advance what I'm getting myself into.

I also wish that they'd give you a series of workouts you can do in a week. Like, stackable routines. But, they do have a dropdown menu where you can find upper body, lower body, all over, etc, so I guess I will  just have to build my own, kind of like a teddy bear.

But aside from those complaints, I'm in love. I have NEVER been one to follow a fitness DVD. I figure you memorize a routine, throw on some music and do it alone. But these routines are a bit more intense than the pilates I am used to, and I loved playing the video and doing it as the instructor did it. They tell you what to look for in each move, what to do, to engage your core, and yes, in some videos they say "don't give it 10% or 50%, give it 110%" and shit like that, which is eyeroll worthy until you check out this sexy toothpick with abs for days and you're like, you know what sweetheart? YOU ARE ON.

It has motivated me in ways other than just working out. I've been managing my calorie intake and thanks to some internet research and talks with my friend Kat, I realized that if my BMR is 1573, aiming for a caloric intake of 1300 to 1500 will make my metabolism tank, so I've been meticulously making sure I eat more than that, and it's been amazing. I used to have the metabolism of a Budweiser horse, man. Eat two Big Macs and never gain a pound. I wonder how much all this obsessive cardio and calorie deprivation I've done over the years has negatively affected that.

I've been sleeping better, eating better, training better all week and I feel great. I couldn't get to sleep until 3am last night either, since Todd let me sleep in yesterday, but I'm still here, up and alert and relatively chipper. I'm not saying it's the working out, but I am saying it's probably the working out. As Elle Woods says, exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't kill their husbands.

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