Discipline is Difficult.

That's a direct quote from Gwyneth Paltrow in the interview she gave People magazine. She was describing how hard it is to work out two hours a day, Monday through Friday. I was like, damn.

So, here's the thing about Gwyneth Paltrow: she can be such an annoying pain in the ass. Not for working out, or for being famous or privileged but sometimes in interviews and in her blog, she just comes across as an insufferable snob. Like promoting a t-shirt that costs over $1,000. Yes, you read that right. No, I'm not drinking and accidentally added two extra zeros. That's the kind of horseshit that GP pulls. She also makes a cookbook with recipes that absolutely contain no sugar, alcohol, gluten, dairy, or food. And like, come on. You are friend with Mario Batali. Fuck off, right?

Anyways, this article though, finally gave me a bit of appreciation for her or at least that tough discipline of hers. I used to have that, people! I paid off all my debt once upon a time. I started and finished a story (but never edited it, hurr). I went back to college after flunking out and fucking nailed it. I got in shape, I learned how to run, I ran some races, I did a weekend's worth of child labor with only 9 hours' worth of drugs. I was disciplined, baby!

But lately, that's sort of slipped. I love spending my money, I love eating and drinking, I love sitting around on the sofa playing games on my phone instead of working on my story. I love making excuses and saying, well, I don't feel like sacrificing anymore.

But, if I don't sacrifice the game-playing and couch-lounging, I sacrifice a shot at publishing something I've been working on for six years. Yep. Six years. People write books in as many months. And if I don't sacrifice the time to work out, or those five heaps of Alex's mac and cheese, then I sacrifice all those gorgeous clothes in my closet that are getting tighter. If I don't sacrifice one thing, I'm going to sacrifice the other.

You know, another reason that article clung to me, was that a few days later after reading it, Todd and I were talking and he mentioned how impressed he was when we were dating that I had paid off my debt, all by myself. He had been impressed, proud, inspired. And I was just like, aww, thanks hon, that's cool. And then I was like, damn, I suck nowadays.

So, I decided to stop all this shit. The diet, the working out, back on track. Cut back on excess. Increase healthy choices. Get off the fucking couch, put down the iPhone, and pick up your story. Fix it. Finish it. Get an agent. Put your skinny jeans back on. Spend quality time with Alex. Refill the goddamn hummingbird feeder.

Discipline is difficult. But it feels so good. That's how I've felt all week. I've focused on work while at work (what?!), I've focused on me while working out, and I've focused on family while at home. I've been writing more this week than the past three months. There is a svelte little ruby-throated hummingbird guzzling nectar out in the back yard. I'm going to enjoy diet coke with lime tonight while Todd has his beer. Saturday I'm going to do another two mile walk with Patton, just the dog and me, together, focusing on each other. Tonight before bed, instead of Scramble with Friends, I'll be going over my story.

But I still did buy another bottle of completely unnecessary nail polish today at Target.

Hey, discipline is difficult, okay?