Au Naturel.

Over two months ago, I developed this rough patch of skin along the my orbital bone under my left eye. It was round, rough and redder than the rest of my skin. I thought it was a dry patch, so I upped the moisturizer and forgot about it. A couple of weeks later, it was still there. I swapped moisturizer for hydrocortizone and it seemed to help.

Then we went to San Diego and it really improved, so I was like, this is definitely my skin revolting to the dry nightmare that is desert living. When we returned, my week of bloody noses each morning seemed to reiterate that yes, lack of moisture in the air will ATTACK YOUR BODY.

So early in September, I went to the dermatologist and paid $50 for him to tell me absolutely nothing. They charged me $10 for a culture that came back inconclusive. Sure, I'm complaining about spending money that did me no favors (I'm looking at YOU, "Dr" Matt, San Diegan chiropractor - $60 for putting my feet on an ice pack while you took in another patient), but hey, at least that negative culture means there aren't herds of bacteria camping out on my face.

The dermatologist gave me some ointment, which was really just devil's fire cream since it fried my skin off. SPOILER ALERT, I was reminded of Stannis Baratheon's daughter Shireen who has grayscale on her face. The rash area seemed to spread too, drifting from the orbital bone area to completely and fully under my left eye. If I thought my coworkers were quick to notice the rash, holy shit! did they notice the treatment. I looked like a victim of abuse.

What the hell was this stuff? It wasn't bacterial, the dermatologist had no ideas for me, and aside from the traveling part, and the huge flaky shit going on, it wasn't doing much. Then, I started to consider all the things I put on my face. I'm rather minimal when it comes to makeup; light foundation, eye shadow and sometimes eyeliner, mascara and lip gloss.

I had thrown out my foundation and the sponge applicator and gotten new ones, but maybe whatever was still on my face had compromised the makeup again? And then I realized...

Alexandra. My rotten little kid who LOVES all things stereotypically feminine: my jewelry, my hair stuff, my lip gloss, my... Yep. My makeup. She would take my eyeshadow brushes and "play drums" on the little squares of eye shadows, and once she used her grubby finger nails to dig out two thirds of my facial powder. Granted, I don't really dust my face with that stuff any more, but I definitely do at least once a week or so.

I think that's the culprit, because nothing else makes sense, and nothing else has changed. So I'm going to have to throw out and replace all my makeup (what does she do with those eyeshadow brushes when I'm gone? Does she suck on my eyeliner pencils? WHO KNOWS), and in the meantime, I'm going sans makeup for the week to see if this patch, which is almost all gone after just three days without makeup, will disappear entirely.

OH WOW she finally got to the point of THIS ENTIRE SAGA. Yep, I'm even going to work without makeup. Granted, I'm wearing glasses because to me it feels like a sort of barrier between the world and my bare face. And since I don't drink on weeknights at least my complexion won't be ruddy. And since I'm in admin I'll just be sitting facing a window in a cubicle with my back to the world. WHATEVER

But, can I just stop and say that it's really and truly freeing? Because it is. My morning routine is slashed to nothing, I never feel oily or stifled by a thin layer of crap, so therefore I just feel cleaner, fresher. I wouldn't want to go out to dinner like this or pair it with my killer Jessica Simpson dress I'm dying to wear out, and I know the old ball and chain enjoys a gussied up girl every now and again, but Cover Girl can suck it, because this is truly easy, breezy and beautiful.

SUCK IT