Sploosh!

I wasn't going to talk about it because I already put it up on Facebook in semi-detail and sometimes you just don't want to re-live certain moments in life after you've already re-lived it on a social networking site. But since I don't feel like re-living anything else like the day my period started the very first time or how horrible it was throwing up like 10 chocolate chip cookies the day before summer school started or what it felt like as I stared at the racing pavement beneath my airborne feet after my "friend" stomped on the brakes and I went flying off the hood of her car, I guess I'll re-live yesterday.

Yesterday was family day! What should we do?! Certainly not go to church after Todd did all that work and took all those classes to become a Catholic! Definitely not drive 90 minutes to Wilcox to pick fruit and buy farmer market produce, because that excludes the dog! I decided that Patton was family too and it would suck to leave him home with the fucking cat all day. So we settled on driving up Mt. Lemmon a ways and finding some pretty place to hike around.

We chose Rose Canyon Lake because neither of us had been there and isn't there something kinda cool about a lake on a mountain? It blows my mind! Something horizontal on something that is vertical? IT CANNOT BE DONE.

Rose Canyon is a small little lake at about 6,000 feet above sea level (just try to wrap your head above that one! Water above the level of water? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS), and it is just lovely. I kept saying "This is such a cute lake!" to Todd. It would have paired nicely with a Fargo accent, or maybe even a Fran Drescher accent. Marshy reeds dot the shorelines, and a paved path hugs one side of the lake and a trail on the other that's more rugged, although still totally doable with a toddler but almost impossible with 100lbs of I AM EXCITE dog.

So there are loads of people fishing. I sort of wanted to stick to the sidewalk side because hey, a baby! but Todd really wanted the trail. "I'll carry her if I have to" he says, which probably should have given us the wise idea to have SOMEONE carry the diaper bag but this is family day! This isn't thinking day! That shit is for suckers!

We take the trail and pass a bunch of college age boys fishing in their swim suits which was just a mockery of Rose Canyon's no swimming rule. I'm not sure how ferociously they enforce it but I didn't actually see anyone swimming. Either everyone was very obedient or else they had my healthy fear of water, especially when I can't see the bottom. And let me tell you, that water is quite clear but when the bottom drops off, I think it literally dropped off the side of the earth. Rose Canyon Lake is a black abyss. A small, super cute abyss.

We pass all the fishing action and stop on this little rounded out sliver of shoreline. Sandy, loads of sticks just begging to be thrown for a four legged maniac. There were some other people throwing sticks for their dogs about 100 yards further down so we figured hell, let's let Patton have some fun. And boy, did he ever! In the shallow areas he was bounding like a ferocious baby deer from hell, and in the deep abyss part he swam like a shark after those sticks. A few times I think he startled the fish cause they started jumping.

I took off my shoes and socks, rolled up my jeans and waded in a ways. Alex, always up for a good time, followed suit. "Alex at the beach!!" she kept squealing. After many, many stick tosses, I asked if Alex wanted to sit on a log which is when she informed me that she had a poopy diaper! Considering she ate lunch in the car ride up there, which consisted of a banana, two Baby Bel cheeses, an entire snack cup full of peanut butter cracker sandwiches and two fruit pouches, it shouldn't have come as any surprise. But there we were, on a sandy strip of Rose Canyon Lake, many many many many many many yards from the car, with a poopy diaper and a soaking wet dog.

I was going to go back but my feet were wet and I just do not do wet sandy feet inside of socks and shoes, no matter how many of my fellow triathletes did it back in March. So Todd graciously accepted the challenge and took off. Patton would have nothing to do with the whole sitting and relaxing part of family day, so I kept throwing sticks for him, Alexandra by my side, two laid back ladies enjoying the sun, the cool water and refreshing mountain breezes.

Now, recall how the lake is a black abyss? Well, a lot of the sticks were also super black. A lot of them also sank and considering the fact that Rose Canyon Lake doesn't have a bottom, and considering that Patton WILL NOT SURRENDER to a the idea of a fruitless fetch and WILL DROWN HIMSELF searching for the stick, I had to choose my sticks wisely: light, bouyant and not black. A thin old pine stick was working wonders, but the damage of Patton's jaws and the weakening properties of the water rendered it to just five or six inches.

We weren't even in a foot of water. Dry land was literally one step backwards for me. I glanced back, saw a good candidate for replacing the trusty pine one. I thought to myself, "Watch something horrible happen if I go get that stick for Patton" but because it wasn't thinking day, it was family day! I went ahead and stepped back, turned to grab the stick and turned back to Alex.

She had taken some steps forward and had fallen into the water. I only looked for a split second before rushing to her, but I won't forget the image: Alex on her chest, head held high up above the water, arms and legs out like a starfish. The panic and fear in her eyes was so evident, but she didn't make a peep until I had her, soaking wet, in my arms. Then it was safe to cry.

I took her away from the water and sat down on a log to take her clothes off. As I'm doing this, Patton, bored with the drama, bored with the lack of hardcore athleticism, decides to take off swimming towards the other dogs. I become That Woman who screams ineffectively at her fucking dog, but I can't chase after him; first off I couldn't leave Alex but even alone, there's no swimming allowed plus I would never in that water. The other dog owners watched with curiosity (we had already confirmed with each other that all our dogs were friendly), but halfway to them Patton snatched up a small sheet of tree bark that had been floating there. I said "Oh." and the other guys all laughed.

I soothed Alex, wrung out her clothes and held her close, all while Patton threatened to bean us in the heads with various huge, long tree branches. Todd finally came back and we changed the diaper and re-dressed Alex. I was sort of over it by then. It being family day, of course. I was soaking wet in jeans that were several sizes too big for me (beware H&M jeans, those fuckers stretch a LOT), my baby was in nothing but a hoodie, a diaper and socks and shoes, and for some reason having to deal with a mini crisis and a dog all by myself had sort of worn me out.

We hiked up the hill a bit, and I'm glad because Alex saw her very first horny toad and wild mushroom, and I know she enjoyed it. She's such a trouper. I think most children are. No nap, a long car ride then a long hike, a big scare in the water and then another long hike back, another long car ride back, and the only thing she really had to say about it later that night "A little scary. Alex fall down inna water." Me, I felt like an idiot and a horrible parent.

Todd is going hunting for four days in November and I'll be flying solo. You can bet your bottom dollar I won't be taking Alex and the dog to any mountain lake during that time, that's for damn sure.

All Aboard The Complain Train!

1. I rode my bike around town on Wednesday and had a lot of fun. As a result, my knee is killing me and this makes me depressed because will I EVER be able to run or bike again?

2. I opened my mouth funny whilst talking to Todd on the phone on Monday and now when I close my mouth, only the left side of my teeth actually touch. It hurts to chew on that side and OH HELLO did I mention that I need four to five crowns and four to five fillings? HAPPY DAY

3. I put on my old pair of Gap jeans and they're tight. They used to be loose. This freaks me out because I just bought myself a Bill Fucking Murray shirt from The Chive and wanted XL but they only had L and I don't want to look like a sausage in its casing.

4. My hair is really dull and gross and even after straightening it, it has these wavy bits that make me look unkempt. I really don't know how to take care of my hair and it makes me feel stupid.

5. I still have congestion and sound like I have a cold. I still feel mucusy and gross and this pisses me off.

6. We just repainted our porcelain sink and paid a hefty sum for it, thinking it would last awhile, and it already has a crack in it. Not only does that suck but now Todd will most likely be super reluctant to re-paint the tub and the tub is SO GROSS

7. I have pretty severe plantar fasciitis and that fucking sucks. It hurts like crazy to walk first thing in the morning and it, along with everything else, makes me feel like a broken down fat old plow horse or something.

8. The cat and the dog still refuse to get a job.

Happy Friday everyone!!

Review: Aldo Razavi flats.

Todd and I have been married five years as of the 26th of next month. For our honeymoon we spent a month in Europe. For this momentous occasion I purchased two pairs of flats from Aldo.

I will not get into how horribly the brown pair hurt my feet.

I will, however, get into the fact that aside from a pair of blue flats from Target, that was the last time I bought flats.

Flats flats flats.

So, recently I realized that I was in dire need of some new kicks. Enter my new pair of shoes:

They are suede Aldo Razavi flats and they are so cute! I feel like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz in these bad boys. I loved them so much I bought a pair in black as well. Unfortunately Aldo does not do half sizes, and since my pregnancy somehow gave permission, against my will, to let my feet grow, I'm now a 9.5. In the case of the Razavi, however, the no-half-size rule is a good thing. They do run a wee bit small, so the size 10 is a good fit.

I will say though that after half a day, the backs of my heels feel a little too vigorously rubbed, and I've grown accustomed to wearing XL band-aids on my heels to avoid blisters. I've not gotten a blister yet though. I'm assuming these puppies will break in after a few more wears, since those dreaded brown ones eventually became a favorite pair, and I will even admit that my love for these shoes, and the black pair as well, completely overrides any discomfort I feel. But, thank goodness for band-aids.

Edited 6/11/13 to add: I am actually wearing these cutie patooties right now, and my goodness are they comfortable. Actually about a week after I originally wrote this post (9/11/12 in case my edit messes with my time stamp), the shoes did that magical broken-in-shoe-thing and suddenly stopped rubbing, and fit perfectly. So kudos to you, Aldo. You just got your grade bumped from B to...

Grade: A

Broccoli Fritters!!

These are so good, I just... I am having a hard time explaining just how delicious, just how decadent these taste, and all there are is a lot of broccoli, some flour and some parmesan. So easy, and actually rather fun.

I got the recipe from Smitten Kitchen and considering how beautiful the photography is on that site, I'm rather glad I didn't take shitty pictures of my own cooking experience. Please feel free to ditch this post in favor of the SK one. But I did make some small tweaks between my first attempt and my second, and the second was a lot better.

Broccoli Fritters
makes 4 side servings

18oz raw broccoli florets, trimmed to about 1" size, stems discarded
1 large egg, lightly beaten
2/3 cup finely shredded parmesan
1 cup all purpose flour
1 pinch red pepper flakes
salt and pepper to taste
Olive oil
Vegetable oil

Lightly steam your broccoli florets. They should be quite tender but not super mushy. As they're cooling, add your beaten egg, parmesan, flour, pepper flakes and S&P to a large bowl.

Add your broccoli on top and with a potato masher (or a meat tenderizer in my case), smash your broccoli up. Now, Smitten Kitchen suggests mashing them a bit, "leaving the pieces recognizable" but I found, on my second try, that mashing them a bit further was A-OK.

Once the broccoli is mashed, start mixing it with the ingredients below until it's nice and chunky. Thoroughly mixed, you know the drill. Now, put a heavy skillet (think cast iron) over medium high heat and add, as Smitten Kitchen puts it, a good slick of oil in there. Just enough to thoroughly coat the bottom of the skillet.

When your skillet is ready, which you can test with a few drops of water, take about two tablespoons' worth of broccoli mix and form a small patty. My friend Kendra did this expertly with her hands, much like you would a hamburger patty.

I want to pause here and say that the second go round my broccoli mix was far less sticky than the first time (I had followed SK's measurements to a T; I think doubling the recipe + 2 more ounces of broccoli really helped the consistency). So if you're going by SK's recipe, I think adding a wee bit more broccoli and mashing it up a bit more may help.

ANYWAYS. Now, add about four patties to the skillet at a time. After just a few minutes, they'll be ready for a flip. Once both sides are a nice golden brown, remove to a paper towel-lined plate to drain as you cook the rest of them.

A great sauce for dipping can be simple ranch dressing, or, if you add a generous amount of both chili powder and paprika to plain, non-fat yogurt, that my friends is a tangy deliciousness you'll not soon forget.

I really hope you go out and try these. They were SO delicious, we had them Friday night with steak, Saturday night with ribs, and tonight we're having them with some baked chicken breasts.

Randoms.

1. I'm still pretty sick. I can't believe how hard this cold hit me. I know, I know, it's just a cold but damn. It knocked me on my ass on Tuesday, but I had symptoms all weekend; I just figured they were allergies. So technically I've been fighting this thing for a straight week. I've felt like shit Tuesday through today, a Friday. This just seems so wrong and not fair at all.

Can I just say that on a first world problem level, there's just nothing worse than being sick as a parent. Because you don't get to rest. You are still ON, so even if you stay home from the office, you don't get to clock out on parenthood. I realized this sad fate one time when Alex was less than a year old. It was such a hard day, and I think it made me sicker. I got a lot more rest time during this cold only because Alex is older, able to entertain herself easily, and loves the hell out of the movie Tangled. But still, it sucks and it's hard and it's life, and there you have it. Cookies crumble, etc.

2. I've re-watched almost the entire first season of Once Upon A Time and I'm even more in love with it now. I'm so excited for the season premiere on September 30th. We've recently gotten hooked on Boardwalk Empire too. It's been awhile since I've been in school but am I supposed to italicize TV shows too? Hey, I Googled that shit and I am CORRECT. And apparently you need to italicize the names of ships.
It makes me happy that this site included Starship Eterprise.

In other news, we watched Midnight in Paris and started Water for Elephants. I feel very neutrally about both Robert Pattison and Reese Witherspoon in the latter. I also don't know how I feel about whether or not I spelled their last names correctly. But I DO know that I don't care enough to Google.

3. My baby girl floated in a starfish formation ALL BY HERSELF yesterday at swim school. And she's putting her entire face in the water to "swim" which is code for "letting the teacher drag her through the water because she still won't kick." But still I am SO proud of her, omg. The kids in her class are a lot older than she is, but she's still hanging in there. I registered her for another five week session, with the same kiddos, so I think we'll get real progress. Hell, we already have! The first few lessons were full of tears and now she prances around the house doing "monkey walks" around all the coffee tables and she loves to show off her kicks in the tub. Now, if only she'd do them when she's in three feet of water instead of three inches.

4. Fall is creeping in and I can feel it, and see it, so much easier than the last time I blogged about it. There is a watery quality to the sunlight, and we've had a relative cold snap in the weather (lower 90's), AND it rained yesterday. It makes me wanna shiver, y'all!

Actually, it makes me really excited for Christmas. I can't yet decide if I want to do another Christmas Eve open house or another Christmas Eve dinner. But I definitely know I won't be doing both again. Jesus, that was horrible. But, anyways, yeah. Christmas! Christmas carols, homemade gifts, fires in the fireplace... Such a thrill!

5. Okay, I'm done now. HAPPY WEEKEND

This One's For the Birds.

I'm sick as a dog. I don't even have the energy to swear. I'm lying in bed while Todd takes care of Alexandra who is currently watching Tangled for, oh, perhaps the 20th time, have of those times being on consecutive days. But I digress.

My face and neck are so swollen and in such pain I don't believe they even belong to me. Hey, swollen asshole, come get your face back. Hey, I cussed! I'm on the mend.

So like I said I am lying here in misery, but I'm also somewhat entertained between the countless nose-blowing and hacking, all thanks to this cool Finch Feeder Station I bought at Petsmart which is such an expensive stupid store. I found thistle seed for cheaper at a goddamn grocery store. I almost typed grocery station. I must be delirious.

There are currently SIX birds chilling out on this thing. They aren't golden finches but the first bird who visited this morning was a golden finch. There are several birds who are brown but with a warm pinkish red flush on their breasts which are so cute. I feel like Snow White. Hey, maybe she's the asshole who left her swollen angry face on my face.

Anyways, for any bird lovers out there, this thing is pretty cool. I have just recently gotten into bird feeding. My most successful foray is probably the hummingbird feeder I got, but this Finch Station is definitely giving it a run for its money. I just want more golden finches. There's this guy three blocks away who gets tons of them, and my goal is to steal all of his.

Labor Day Lunch.

We stopped by Todd's folks' house today for a bit. Let's just say, girlfriend loves her corn on the cob.