Review: Alba shampoo and conditioner

All right. When I first bought this, I bought the honeydew "Gloss Boss" version for the amazing smell and hey, who doesn't want to be a Gloss Boss? I liked it well enough so I went out and bought the coconut one, which I have yet to use and which I will likely NOT use, and here's why: It completely weighs my hair down.

I try not to wash my hair everday because the last five inches are super dried out. After the initial transition, the oils in my hair leveled out and it was totally fine for me on the non-wash days.

However. Now I can barely make it 24 hours without my hair looking flat, weighed down and over-oily. And that sucks, because the smell is heavenly, the price is good and the ingredients are pretty awesome. Only two or three chemicals (and while there's no SLS I know at least one of those has to be a detergent of some kind to get the suds) and then just a whole load of natural ingredients.

So, back to the drawing board. Or, to be clear, back to Sprouts where I essentially sit on the floor smelling all the shampoos that don't have sulfates until I find one I like.

Grade: D

HAIR.

WELL SHIT. Do you think I'm still high off of Christmas and the subsequent excitement? WELL YOU'RE (partly) WRONG. I am excited about this shit:

This has saved my hair. Remember that post I did about Brocato shampoo? Yeah, whatever! I mean, I'm still going to keep using it, because it's mild, still cleans well and smells delightful, but... Man. I finally figured out what my hair needs.

Can I just tell you? That today? I put my hair in braids? And the ends of each braid did that curly-up thing because it was so full of moisture and so healthy? And the ends of my hair, despite months of drying and very rare straightening, were still so bouncy and fucking fabulous? BECAUSE IT'S TRUE.

This stuff... Oh my God, this stuff is the answer. The ends of my hair now feel like the roots of my hair. WHAT. Yeah. You read that right.

Now, Organix recommends you coat your dry hair root to tip with this stuff, cover it with a plastic cap and then with a hot wet towel. I have a toddler so I read that and after I cried over not having the goddamn time to mince around the house with a plastic bag and hot wet towel wrapped around my head.

So I said screw it, and just applied it to my shampooed, wet but wrung out hair in the shower one evening. It was AMAHZING. I now do it every time I shampoo my hair which may or may not be every other day. It doesn't weigh it down and quite frankly I try not to wash it out completely. Then I apply an Aveda leave in conditioner and if I blow dry my hair I use my Brocato serum. I was doing all that before but this argan oil has made the absolute difference.

They don't know me and this is not an ad or anything, I just LOVE this shit.

Grade: A++, would drive through the Mayan Apocalypse just to buy another jar.

5 Things I'm Into Right Now.

1. OPI's I'm Not Really A Waitress



Arguably OPI's most hilarious and badass name for a color, I've always assumed it was more candy apple hooker red, and not this lovely, Christmassy shade. I am currently wearing it and I can tell it's going to be my holiday season color.

2. Doc Martin

Yes, another BBC show! This is easily my favorite new show and I look forward to Thursdays now more than I did even when I still watched Grey's Anatomy. Taking place in the absolute most gorgeous place EVER in the entire WORLD, a small village in Cornwall named Portwenn, it is all about Doctor Martin Ellingham, a brilliant surgeon who develops a fear of blood in the middle of a basic operation. He moves from London to Portwenn (where he had spent his holidays with his aunt Joan) in order to take up practice as the village's general doctor. He's brusque and painfully blunt to the point of rudeness, but we see many moments of genuine concern and empathy as well as loads of hilarious dialogue and commentary. Every single thing about this show delights me: the location (I now want to live in Cornwall), the acting, the snappy British humor and all the colorful villagers. There is chemistry between Martin and the school teacher, Louisa, but of course his lack of social skills will often ruin the moment before any hot making out happens.

It's on Thursdays on PBHS at 9pm.

3. Market Warriors

Um, yes it's more TV and you can shove it! Todd and I are unbelievably hooked on this show and I can't explain why. We're fans of Antiques Roadshow so maybe that's it, but for some reason this show just snagged us. The four crazy people shown above, John, Miller, Bob and Kevin respectively, are all different types of professionals when it comes to antiques and collectibles. They all have different styles and personalities, each is hilarious in their own way, and it's just fascinating to see them navigate through flea and antique/furniture markets. They each get $1000 to buy stuff that they turn around and sell at auction, and whomever makes the most profit wins. For some reason it's insanely addictive, and we get unnaturally excited right before it comes on. I love seeing what they find, I love seeing how much they pay versus how much they get and I love knowing that the shit they sell in antique stores and antique malls are ridiculously overpriced. I look forward to the day when I can walk into an antique mall and offer some seller like 60% of the asking price and get it. Cash money!

Mondays on PBHS at 9pm

4. V8

No, I'm not putting vodka in it. I'm actually really enjoying having a glass with my lunch. Just add some celery salt and cayenne pepper and bam! A tasty, healthy drink that actually fills me up quite a bit. Once I drank the whole glass while making my salad and found I was more than full. Poor salad.

5. Neutrogena Body Lotion Light Sesame Formula

Oh, man, I am in love with this stuff. I am a huge fan of their sesame formula body oil but sometimes I want a lotion instead of oil. Then I saw they had this, with the same delightful fragrance, and I about died of happiness.

I used to use a ton of Neutrogena stuff and sort of fell out of it after switching from using facial toners and cleansers to just using a Dove beauty bar on my face. But now, with the oil, this lotion and my lip balm, I'm thinking I should just buy stock and be done with it.



The Sock Bun!

I have pretty thin hair. A lot of it, yeah, but it's very fine, so my updos are always somewhat lacking. I always stare with envy when a girl has a huge sexy messy bun, or a big plump braid trailing down her back. I have a few girlfriends who have epic hair, too. It makes me go sad face when I think of my lame ass hair. I really only know two ways to style it: straightener or curling iron. But not anymore! I have the SOCK BUN!

I am a major fan of The Berry and there was a post of all the readers' fabulous hair. I scrolled through looking for some tips or SOME other way to do my hair and one woman had a big old bun like mine in the pic above and thank GOD she said, at the end "thank goodness for the sock bun!" because suddenly it dawned on me that I am likely not alone in this world and that all those babes running around with huge updos are probably using something sneaky to achieve the look.

NOW I AM ONE OF THOSE BABES. A sock bun thing can be made by taking an old, clean sock, cutting off the toe and rolling it into a donut. Then you put your hair in a high ponytail, and string it through the donut. Pull the donut to the tips of your hair and spread the hair all around it to cover the surface. Then, tucking the strands in as you go, roll the donut slowly towards your head, making sure to spread the hair evenly around it. BOOM. You don't even need any fucking hairpins! This shit is genius!

So in case there are other ladies out there who didn't know this existed, or any hipster men who want to achieve the man bun with epic results, I give you: The Sock Bun. Now the sock I used wasn't dark enough and if my hair wasn't perfectly spread out it showed, so I took black yarn and wrapped the sock donut thing around it and now it's perfectly incognito. Woohoo!

Inka-dinka-pink indeed!

Today was one of those blissed out days. I only lost my shit for like 1 second while rushing through Alexandra's breakfast so we could hit up the zoo with our buddies Amber and her son James, but aside from that, not a single hiccup.

Like I said, we went to the zoo, and we fed carrot sticks to a big giraffe. Let me tell you when they say giraffes spook easily and don't like to be touched, they mean it. That giraffe regarded me with ill concealed suspicion unless there was a carrot in my hand. Anyways, I fed him one stick and Alex did too, brave thing she is (Todd says her chi is vigorous - which I guess is why she can run around in winter with no pants and socks on and feed enormous creatures without nary a thought).

Afterwards we tracked down a hard shell kiddie pool and a new suit, though after she pooped we just tossed her back in the pool naked as a blue jay. And the most wonderful thing happened: I broke out the sunscreen for her, and she smelled like summer for the rest of the day. After her nap and my bike ride, our neighbors brought their nephew over for round two in the pool and ham and crackers in front of youtube animal videos.

I just... It was lovely. Lovely weather, lovely time with Alexandra, loveliness all around. And to top it off, this happened:

Did I tell you that today was blissed out?

Halloween.

Last year, Alexandra was about six months old when Halloween rolled around. We never dressed her up and took her for a photo shoot and we just stayed home. It was boring. This year, however, we completely redeemed ourselves. We got a babysitter (no toddler costume though, Alex is still too young to get into it), we got costumes, and we got our party on.

I went as the Black Swan. The costume took me some time as far as hunting down a suitable, affordable corset/tutu combo, then more time and labor adjusting it to meet Black Swan/Jil standards (feathers for swan standards, covering my ass for my standards). But I'll be honest, it was the makeup that gave me the most anxiety. I really wanted to do it myself, but I also didn't want to mess it up, get frustrated and cry. Which could happen. But I persevered:

I'm a lefty so the right eye was the easiest for me. I started with that one, obviously.

The (vodka) pause that refreshes! Notice how pale I am? Baby powder. Loads and loads of baby powder. My bronzer brush will never be quite the same.

Presto! This is after I applied lavender powder to set the eyeliner, and just before I re-did my black lines for some definition. Notice the lack of uniformity when it comes to the application of baby powder to the face.

Goofballs.

My bestie Kendra went as Joan from Mad Men and was already costumed up when it came time to powder my chest, back and arms with more baby powder. So I was draped in a sheet and she put my bathrobe on backwards which kept reminding me of Van Helsing's autopsy scene in Dracula: Dead and Loving It. In a good way!

All right, we're ready to go!

Oh God, I contemplated posting one of these super lame pose shots. I somehow forgot that I weight more than 90lbs and won't look as ballerina-ish as Natalie Portman did. Anyways, here is my costume in full. It took a lot of time and money but I am very proud of how it turned out. I was the best Black Swan out there!

Ah, here we go! Black Swan, Santa's Cutie, Naked Chef, Joan and Peg Bundy!

Now for the men, because we're all 8th graders deep down and immediately segregate according to gender identification whenever we hang out: Sherlock, Al Bundy (four touchdowns in a single game!), WWII soldier and Alex DeLarge from Clockwork Orange. You gotta hand it to Pete, who went as Alex: for a last minute costume, he sure is creepy as hell.

Look at that dapper dad! We made his cravat from an old bed sheet. Poor thing left his Sherlock hat at home so he just looked like himself but from the past, because he's sophisticated that way.


And, for your viewing pleasure, I have a final shot of my makeup, at 2am, lipstick half gone, sobriety and good thinking completely out the window:

I just didn't want the night to end. We had so much fun. It was such a joy getting out with our friends. We spend a LOT of time at home because we're always so tired and because parenting is a full time job, so it was such a blast getting out of the house, out on the town for an evening with our dearest friends.

Happy Halloween to all!

The Grudge is Gone

When I started dating Todd, the similarities he and I shared were not confined to just between the two of us. Our families had similarities as well, and I had much in common with his mother, much to her delight ("You always said I was the weirdest woman you knew, and now look!"). One of these similarities, however, wound up haunting me until Friday. Yes, this past Friday, the 12th of August, 2011. It has been six years.

It was an early summer evening and Bill and Trudy had come to pick Todd and me up for a double date down at the De Anza drive in theater R.I.P.). Trudy and I hug and I exclaim "Wow, your perfume is great, what is it?" and she said "It's something Bill picked out for me and I love it, I finally have a great scent. It's called Addict I think, it's by Dior." and I laughed and said "That's MY perfume! How funny that perfumes smell slightly different on different people."

But Todd was not amused. He was clearly a little unsettled and it was clear that they didn't smell all that different to HIM. "I thought that smell was familiar."

And then I realized. I smelled like his mom and reminding your sexy boyfriend of his mother is just not cool. I was going to have to give it up. My wonderful, sexy, heady, lusty musky heat wave of a scent, one that reeled in compliment after compliment after compliment, wherever I went, whenever I wore it.

 Oh, how I loved it. But there was no way Trudy was giving it up. I mean, she had spent a far longer time roaming the perfume counters, scentless and forlorn, than I had. Until the day after I realized I couldn't wear it anymore. Suddenly, I was scentless. I fell back on an old favorite, Victoria's Secret Amber Romance, which is pleasant and sexy and flirty and really delicious-smelling.

But, and no offense to all those who wear VS scents, it lacked that sophisticated air of a true perfume, that multi-layered richness, that headiness that leaves you somewhat giddy, almost intoxicated on the smell alone. And so I searched, and searched. I tried Guess by Marciano.

It was absolutely divine, but extremely weak, and would wear off only an hour or two after an application. And for the cost, it was absolutely not worth it. Sorry, Guess.

After that, I gave up. I returned to Amber Romance off and on, and switched between that and Sensual by Bath and Body Works. This is the lotion, not the body mist, but it's the same smell.

Really sexy stuff, sexier than Amber Romance but not as long lasting. Actually the lotion lasted longer than the body mist. And this brings me to current. I still have an inch or so left of the body mist, in its bottle, in my medicine cabinet.

I had picked out a couple of smells that I liked, from the sample pages in a few issues of Vanity Fair (a horrendously biased magazine but still impossible to put down), but finally on Friday I bit the bullet, I went to the counter, I picked it out, fell in love and shelled out $70 for my new fragrance. Armani Code.

I wish there was a feature on Blogger to have an audio clip of angels singing or something because that is how intensely over-the-moon, shit myself excited I am about this perfume. It's everything Addict is but different, deliciously different, with no hint of mother-in-law in its notes at all. So I can say FINALLY, after years of smelling Trudy with a wistful near-bitterness over my loss, after months of getting Alexandra back from grandma and grandpa, her hair reeking of super-awesome Addict, I can say with full sincerity and a serenity in my soul, that I forgive Trudy for stealing my smell.

I gotta new one, now.