Randoms, I guess.

I have so many smallish things I'd love to talk about so I guess I'll just file them together in a mishmash of a randoms post.

1. Pinterest has been treating me well lately. On Sunday I made two recipes, balsamic pork and the accompanying green beans with olives, sun dried tomatoes and pine nuts that is linked to in that pork recipe. Both were smash hits and also very easy, and I know they will be regular features in my fall recipe portfolio.

Portfolio! Miss Piggy! Lady Holiday!!!

Aside from those, you'll recall my latest food post, the Israeli couscous with chicken and peas. So good! And before that, I made an absolutely delicious chicken yakisoba and a great garlic dijon salmon too. So, yeah. Pinterest has been delighting me lately.

So has Epicurious!

Epicurious is a great app I have on my iPhone, and I've so far gotten two great recipes from it, a grilled butterflied leg of lamb recipe that Todd absolutely knocked it out of the park, and just last night I made chicken with a sauce originally tied to Chilean sea bass. Supremed lemon wedges, kalamatas, rinsed capers, oregano and olive oil on top of pan seared chicken tenders. It was delightful!

P.S. I now know how to supreme a lemon.


2. BREAKING BAD.

Okay, so I can't talk much about it because Todd and I literally JUST started it two nights ago, and are only into the fourth episode. But holy shit! I know we're late to this party considering there are only two episodes left, and I'm scared of the internet after that because I will likely get spoiled on so many things, but I'm glad we finally bit the bullet, took the plunge, got off the dime, etc.

And I'm so impressed by the acting. Bryan Cranston is a genius, and Aaron Paul deserves the role that he got extended. Apparently his character was supposed to get killed off in the first season, but the powers that be loved Paul's job so much that they made him a permanent character. That is a testament to his acting skills.

I have this weird urge to spoil myself on basically EVERYTHING I get into. I did it with the books The Pillars of the Earth and World Without End, and a slew of other books too. I do it with all the shows I watch, scouring the internet for tidbits and rumors, or reading the wiki pages of TV series that are no longer playing so I can read ahead and keep myself in the story without having to wait until Alex goes to bed that night to get back into that world. I become obsessed with and starved for new worlds that are created for me and other readers/viewers to enjoy.

But not now. Oh, no. I'm not spoiling myself for this show. And that is very, very weird.


3. Exercise, man. So it is very, very true that it takes just 12 weeks of inactivity to lose all progress in a particular sportt or exercise. I all but quit biking during the summer. After a bike ride in 108 degree heat that had me nearly vomiting after just seven miles (with three left to go), I locked up my dad's bike for the season.

At that time, I had whittled my time down to 48 minutes for a 10.25 mile ride. Once I think I even got it down to 46. Well, for the past two, maybe three weeks I've been biking again and my God man, my time is so sucky. Consistently at 52 minutes and yesterday was even worse, clocking it at 57 minutes. WHAT THE HELL MAN. I was prepared for some set backs but to lose nine minutes on my time? Gross.

I'm glad summer is coming to an end, even though we'll hit 100 at least once more this week (who knows what next week has in store), because I'm ready for more moving around outside. Even the dog walks stopped, thanks to the heat and my plantar fasciitis. Oh, those HIIT workouts? Can't do them if they include any sort of explosive jumping movements. They murdered my feet worse than a weekly run did. So when I do my strength workouts, all movements have to have my feet planted firmly on the floor, save for walking lunges (which I still have to do slowly, carefully).

These past two weeks have seen a return of both bike rides and dog walks, for which I'm grateful. It feels good getting back into my regular routines again. I think it will be good for Alex, too.


4. Alex's potty woes have for the most part abated, I'm delighted to say. Wow. That trip to San Diego really and truly threw one hell of a wrench into things. Her sleep is still a liiiittle wacky (still requiring lights to fall asleep), but she's back in underpants and I'm back to being happy. Just like incorporating dog walks back into our routine, I see things are settling for her, that she's getting back into the swing of things. It's taken over three weeks, but it's happening.

I know everyone is different when it comes to parenting styles but this little glitch in the system proves to me how children thrive on routine, rules and parameters for everyday stuff. That's not to say it isn't good to shake it up every now and then to strengthen them and prepare them for a life that is more chaos than control, but it did show me that a happy kid is one who knows, for the most part, what's coming down the pike for them in their little worlds.

And it shows me that taking a vacation three weeks after potty training is insane.

Israeli Couscous with Chicken and Peas

So I've been absent from the old bloggy blog for awhile now, thanks to a long overdue and much needed vacation. We stayed with Todd's uncle and aunt in San Diego for just over a week, and my God, it was heaven.

I drank hot tea each morning, whilst wearing a sweater and slippers, but by the afternoons we were enjoying the beach, swimming in the surf one at a time while the other stayed and played with Alex in the sand. We visited Old Town, OB, had a bonfire dinner on Shelter Island, and not once did we get mired in horrible traffic (miraculous, let me tell you).

We went to restaurants, Balboa park, and only had one miserable day thanks to the horrors of a busy day at San Diego Zoo. Remember my plantar fasciitis? Yeah, well, it's going to remember San Diego Zoo for the rest of its life (which I hope isn't long). We sat outside every night, where the temperature + wind chill made it feel more deliciously chilly than anything Tucson has to offer, even in the dead of "winter." Sweaters were worn again, people. In August. It was... perfect.

Anyways, now we're home and sneezing and achy with allergies, and I wake up with bloody noses every morning. Hurray, desert! Well Jil, what the fuck does this have to do with couscous? Well, I'll tell you, faithful reader, I'll tell you. Having enjoyed all that cool weather, it made me crave a cool weather dish. I didn't realize it, either, until I tasted dinner last night.

This meal sounds light and summery thanks to the lemon and the scallions, but the richness of the broth that soaks into the couscous, and the heartiness of the chopped chicken and peas makes it extremely comforting, filling and is somewhat reminiscent of a chicken pot pie, or a chicken noodle soup. Even better, it rained last night, which washed away some of the heat and reminded us, ever so slightly, of those cold nights in San Diego.

Enough already! I got this recipe from A Family Feast but made a few changes here and there.

Israeli Couscous with Chicken and Peas
serves two

5 chicken tenders
EVOO (I feel sort of sleazy typing that out)
Salt and pepper to taste
Garlic powder to taste
2 cup chicken broth (I use no sodium bouillon powder)
Zest of one lemon
Juice of one lemon
1 tsp coarse sea salt
1 tsp cracked black pepper
1.5 cup Israeli (also known as pearl) couscous
2 scallions, thinly sliced, both white and green parts
1 cup frozen peas, thawed under hot water
1/2 cup shredded parmesan, plus extra

Heat a drizzle of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat. Season your chicken with the garlic powder and salt and pepper. Cook chicken until just done, dice it up and add it back to the skillet, setting it aside. I did this about thirty minutes before cooking the rest thanks to Alex refusing to go to bed.

Combine the broth, zest and lemon juice, plus the salt and pepper and set aside. In a large saucepan, heat another drizzle of the olive oil over medium high and add the couscous, toasting lightly for 2-3 as you stir frequently so it won't burn. Next, add the broth combo and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium low and cover, simmering for about 8-10 minutes until couscous is al dente.

You'll want remaining liquid in the pan, so use that as your guide, too. Now, add your scallions, peas and chicken, plus the 1/2 cup parmesan and stir until it's all mixed up (I have a 311 song stuck in my head now). Sprinkle with extra parmesan, if you so desire (you will) and enjoy!

I do want to add that I usually love to absolutely cover my dish in parmesan. But I will say to those who avoid dairy (I'm looking at you, Kat), the creaminess of the couscous and broth, the richness of everything, is divine. The cheese is just a little bonus, but by no means will this dish lack in flavor if you skip it.

Now, if it were only 65 degrees with a whipsmart wind coming off the sea right outside my window.

Chicken and Mushrooms with Artichoke Hearts and Green Beans

Many moons ago, I found a recipe for chicken and mushrooms in white wine, and it's one of those dinners that frequently pops up on my weekly menu. It's simple, it's quick and it's delicious. The other day I wanted to add a little more to it to make it filling, without having to rely on a starch. We've been trying to keep dinners lighter, with just protein and vegetables and it is especially suitable on these warmer spring days.

So, long story short, it was obviously a hit adding the extras, because here I am, sharing it with you!

Chicken and Mushrooms with Artichoke Hearts and Green Beans
Serves 2

4-6 chicken tenderloins, depending on their size and your appetite (I am pefect with two, Todd is with three)
2 tbsp flour in a Ziploc bag
salt and pepper to taste
4 tsp butter, divided
4 tsp olive oil, divided
8oz mushrooms
8 oz green beans, parboiled 5-6 minutes and chilled
3-4 cloves garlic, minced or roughly chopped
1/4 cup white wine
1/3 cup chicken broth
1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley
1 14 oz can quartered artichoke hearts
2-3 tbsp shredded parmesan (optional)

Heat oven to 200. Toss each chicken tender in the Ziploc bag. If you feel real raw about wasting a Ziploc for such a brief and fleeting purpose, toss them in a bowl, but I think shaking the chicken in the bag ensures a nice even coating and doesn't require as much flour.

Place a heavy or stainless steel skillet over medium to medium high heat, and add butter and oil. Nonstick doesn't really work here, because you want some of that flour to come off on the pan, to help thicken the broth and wine you'll be adding later.

Add your chicken, salt and pepper them, and cook until golden and slightly crisped in places. Mmmmm. Remove from heat and keep warm in oven.

Add the rest of the butter and oil. Now let me stop you here, like Kanye West. Imma let you finish, but I just wanted to say that I personally don't measure out my oil and butter, I eyeball how slicked over the pan is. But the recipe was originally intended to be healthy, so by all means, whip out the measuring spoons.

Add your mushrooms and once they're starting to sweat, add your green beans. Cook for a few minutes to let the beans heat through, and then add your wine, broth and parsley. By the way? I made this last night but didn't have wine so I just used more chicken broth, and there was definitely a lack of flavor. If you don't have any wine, try anything for an added kick. White wine vinegar might even do the trick, just add small increments at a time so you don't overpower it.

Once the sauce has reduced significantly, add your artichoke hearts and heat through. Plate up the veggies and sauce, top with warmed chicken and sprinkle with parmesan if you so desire.

Voila! Even including the parboiling time, this is such a quick and snappy meal that has a sort of understated, leisurely sort of elegance about it. Can you believe I just wrote that about food?

Rosemary Roast Chicken with Sweet Potatoes and Shallots

I think that ever since I started doing Paleo, every post I've written has had something to do with that temporary lifestyle change, and today is no different. However! Aside from the brief mention that walking by a display of blueberry muffins eventually led to an emotional breakdown, this post is going to be a POSITIVE Paleo post! The shock! The novelty!

Rosemary Roast Chicken with Sweet Potatoes and Shallots
serves two

4 medium sweet potatoes, peeled and cut into large chunks (think 4 chunks per spud)
4 shallots, cut into halves
6 small sprigs fresh rosemary
3 tbsp olive oil, divided
2 chicken leg quarters, skinned, thighs and drummies separated
1 tsp Herbes de Provence
Salt and pepper to taste
1 - 2 cups finely chopped kale, evil stems removed
Drizzle of olive oil
Garlic powder
2 strips crispy-cooked bacon, crumbled

Preheat your oven to 375.

I'm tempted to just scream TOSS ALL THAT SHIT TOGETHER NOW regarding the first five ingredients, but I actually tossed the veggies and 2 tbsp olive oil together, deposited them in the pyrex, and then tossed the chicken pieces and remaining oil separately because the bowl I used wasn't large enough.

After you artfully arrange your meat and veg (I sound so British), sprinkle with the herbes de provence and salt and pepper and toss it into the oven because you're a caveman and you haven't had soft cheese or bread in six days (only!) and you feel like beating the shit out of something so it might as well be your oven.

Roast for about 40 minutes. Remove set aside. Toss the kale in that drizzle of olive oil and a shake or two of garlic powder. Arrange on a cookie sheet, shaking the sheet to make sure the kale is spread out enough. Bake for 10 minutes or so until crispy.

Plate your food, sprinkle with the kale and bacon, and devour, rending the tender, juicy flesh off of every bone you can get your carb-deprived fingers on. Hurrah!

I need to say that aside from that kale chip endeavor, I've never enjoyed kale. I don't know if I even enjoyed the kale chips since I kept the evil stems on like a noob. But THIS meal, holy shit! I LOVED the kale. Getting the pieces small enough and removing anything that remotely resembled a stem, the garlic powder, plus a wee bit of extra salt, all culminated into converting me into a kale fan. True, there are perameters to that conversion, BUT STILL. I feel so grown up. I like brussels sprouts now, and kale, and what's next? Free form jazz?

Pan-seared Chicken with Olive Relish & Warm Lentil Salad

Well that was a goddamn mouthful, and it was only the name of the recipe. Although if you REALLY want a mouthful, just try this awesome dish. There's a lot going on flavor-wise, and though the portion is smaller than American standards, thanks to the lentils it fills you up without filling you out. Did I just say that? I DID.

Pan-seared Chicken with Olive Relish & Warm Lentil Salad
serves 2
1/2 cup lentils
1/3 cup mixture of chopped kalamata and green olives
1/2 cup chopped celery, divided
3.5 tbsp lemon juice
2 tbsp chopped red onion
3 tsp fresh thyme (or 2 tsp dried)
2 tsp olive oil
1/2 cup chopped parsley
4 oz feta or goat cheese crumbles
8oz chicken breast

Place the lentils in 2 cups water and bring to a boil. After that, lower the heat and simmer until liquid is absorbed, about 20 - 30 minutes.

Combine the following for the relish: olives, half the celery, 1 tbsp lemon juice, half the thyme, 1 tsp olive oil, salt and pepper.

For the stuff that's going into the lentils, combine the remaining celery, lemon juice, thyme and olive oil, the red onion and parsley.

 I like to add the goat cheese to the lentils once they're done, like so:

Mix that up!

Now we cover that with the lid and get to work on our chicken. Remember, it's warm lentil salad, not piping hot lentil salad. Which makes this recipe ideal for summer or, if you're in Tucson, an 80 degree day in goddamn NOVEMBER.

Ahem. Anyways, the chicken! I used 5 tenderloins, two for me and three for Todd.

After several minutes in a hot skillet and olive oil, out they come!

Cut up your chicken any old way you like, and it's time to plate up. I like using my shallow bowls for this dish. Put the lentil salad in, then the chicken, and top with the olives. Presto!

Deeelicious!

Chicken Satays!

Well what the fuck! Why didn't anyone except that crazy ass British woman, on that one British weight loss show where she actually makes the overweight "guest" show her a piece of their turds, tell me how delicious chicken satays are?!

HOW HUNGRY ARE YOU NOW?

I got this recipe from The Food Network's website and did mostly everything to a T. So if you want to skip this FRAUD of a food post, GO FOR IT

If you enjoy random acts of capslock and bad photography with snarling commentary, then settle back, grab your well liquor cocktail and read on, motherfuckers

(sorry mom)

Chicken Satays with Peanut Sauce
serves 2

• 1 cup plain yogurt
• 1 teaspoon freshly grated ginger
• 1 teaspoon minced garlic
• 1 tablespoon curry powder
• 8 - 12oz chicken tenderloins
• Wooden skewers, soaked in water 30 minutes (I gave up on these because dude - and if satays means skewers then I guess I just made CHICKEN LONELINESS tonight)
• Olive oil or vegetable oil if you are crazy about that shit, for grilling
• Romaine lettuce leaves, washed because once I found a half dead moth in a head of lettuce
• Fresh cilantro leaves, finely chopped
• Peanut sauce that you obviously buy at Trader Joe's because COME ON, I am too busy watching America's Got Talent and drinking to make this shit for myself

OKAY GIR'FRIEN'S

Mix the first four ingredients in a shallow dish, and dip, dredge, submerge, slather, the chicken into it. Pick a verb! I love pinot noir!! Anyways. Cover all the chicken tenderloins in the marinade, wrap it up and refrigerate it for up to two hours.

Now, go on a dog walk with your family and run into a shirtless barefoot friend of your husband's who is driving by you and instead of getting out of the car to say hey, just stares at you through the tinted windshield long enough that you begin to wonder if he wants to run over you in his blue Sebring or whatever it was.

You are now home and non-run over, so TIME TO COOK!

Put those chicken tenders on a skewer! 

Weird, huh? Trust me that guy from Food Network!

Heat your griddle skillet to medium high, brushing it with oil so the meat don't stick. Throw them bitches on the griiiiiiddle!!!

So, the recipe said to do this with only medium heat, not medium high, and it also seemed to assume that everyone has a goddamn range that will work like the one a chef from the Food Network has, which is a lying lie from a liar who lies. So after awhile, I upped the heat, and finally got some browning on my meat popsicles

I WENT THERE

But then I noticed how god-awful uneven the cooking was. So I said later to the skewers in a fit of RAGE

I finally got the chicken in the center of my griddle, directly under the heat, and shit got real in a matter of minutes.

As they sizzled, I prepped my lettuce and cilantro...

Then I plated the bad ass chicken plus the veggies I made that I'm not blogging about because who gives a shit:

CLOSE UP, MR. DeMILLE?

These were so tasty, and so fun, and so different. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did and if you already knew about this recipe from like YEARS AGO then I hope you know that somehow my that guy's recipe is better than yours.

New Recipes!

I had a draft of a post all ready to be published, all about how Pinterest mystifies, confuses and intimidates me, but considering the fact that the day after writing it, I went on Pinterest and printed out three recipes which I proceeded to make this week, I think I can safely delete that draft.

I will still admit that while I'm surfing the web, I'm never inspired to pin something to one of my boards, mainly because while online I'm usually either at Oh No They Didn't or Words With Friends and I never think to re-pin Paris Hilton's latest crotch shot or my latest 100-point word score.

Anyways, I really want to share these recipes because they were just SO GOOD. I guess one recipe counts as two: Spicy Pulled Pork and Pork Chili Verde soup.

I would have taken photos of the cooking process but since I followed the recipes to a T and because I wasn't actually sure how they'd turn out, I decided against it. So today I will have links and I won't talk shit. Click the recipe names to go to the original web sites. All photos here were borrowed from the original sites in order to tantalize. And hey, I'm bringing these mofos more traffic so they should be pleased.

Bobby's Lighter Tastes Like Lasagna Soup
A.K.A. Lasagna Soup



What I love about this recipe is that it's by Bobby Deen, Paula Deen's son. And thanks to him and his fabulosity, he shaves over 400 CALORIES off the original Paula Deen soup, so each one cup serving is just 225 calories. Even if you double it up, that's only 450 calories for a delicious, rich, hearty and FILLING soup. I never ever ever never leave any food on my plate but when I made this on Monday, I couldn't finish it. I even left bread behind! What the fuck!

Chicken and Mushrooms in White Wine Sauce



This recipe was originally posted on Skinny Taste, and my goodness was there a lot of taste to this! What I love about cooking, or maybe what I hate about cooking is that once you master something, you sort of forget about it. Like using wine to deglaze a pan. Instant sauce! So it's nice to browse around the internet or a cookbook and allow a recipe to jog your memory. That's what was nice about this one. It's so simple, and so easy. Even Todd, who has had countless dishes of mine that use white wine, was blown away by the flavors and richness in a calorically moderate dish. We had it with a side of parboiled green beans sauteed in butter with parsley.

Spicy Pulled Pork

Heather Cristo's site has beautiful photography but who cares when the food is this good?! I have never in my life cooked pork shoulder, or shredded my own meat, but this was easy and delicious and filled my house with tantalizing aromas for hours. I made it Wednesday afternoon so I could use it for Thursday's chili verde, and it was nearly impossible to stay away from it. This, despite the fact that we had steak on Wednesday! Excellent steak too, but I kept thinking about that pork...

Pork Chili Verde

Upon looking at this photo I realized that last night, I totally forgot to top our soup with cilantro and scallions, which not only means we missed out on a dimension of flavor but now I have to figure out what else to use those two things in so I don't waste them. Hmm. I DO have half a pork shoulder left, so maybe I should just make this again! By the way, that's all I did differently to this recipe: I halved it. My dutch oven simply isn't large enough to house a 6.71lb pork shoulder which was the smallest that Fry's had to offer. So I cut the recipe in half, which was easy to do. Oh, and even though we skipped the cilantro and scallions, this soup was unbelievable! AND it wasn't too spicy, even with the jalepeno in it. Todd went back for seconds but, much like the lasagna soup, I was simply too stuffed after one bowl.


I hope you all enjoy these! They were all easy and fun to make, and there really isn't anything better than that for a weeknight supper.

Rosemary Chicken Casserole

I'm in a real shitty mood today because sometimes people just suck. So I'm going to get right to the good stuff. 

I used broth and a bunch of corn startch for my sauce to be all ~low calorie~ but it irritated me so I'm going to write this as if I used my head and made an actual roux. I don't know why I let my calorie fears to overcome my righteous awesome French self. Cornstarch? Screw you! Butter, flour, flavor, come back into my life

Rosemary Chicken Casserole

serves 2

Sauce

2 tbsp butter 

2 tbsp flour (if you want a thicker sauce add more flour but also add the same amount of butter)

1 cup low sodium chicken broth

1 cup white wine (straight from the box, bitches!)

2 large sprigs fresh rosemary, chopped

1/4 cup milk, cream, etc

Casserole

6-8oz broccoli, cut into medium sized florets

2 medium potatoes, cut into small, very bite size pieces

1 medium onion, chopped

2 tbsp minced garlic

12 oz chicken breast, cubed

Set your oven to that magical, mystical setting: 375. 

Ok, so you heat up your butter in a medium sauce pan. Once it's melted add your flour and stir to combine. It'll get gummed up quick so have your broth at the ready. Slowly add your chicken broth, stirring all the while to combine. This mix will be pretty thickened up. If you want, add a bit of the white wine to loosen up the roux mix. You want the flour to cook though.  Anyways, once you add your rosemary it will look like this, except yummier because we're using a roux and not cornstarch:

Towards the end of the cooking time, add your cream or milk. Assemble your casserole. Pour the sauce over the meat and veggies, tossing a bit to make sure saturation is in full and holy effect. Pop that bad boy in the oven for about 30, 35 minutes. Voila!

Spanish Chicken with Yogurt Sauce (a.k.a. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM)

I just... ok, right now, if we were talking instead of blogging/reading? Right now is when I'd be holding my head in my hands while trying to find the right words to accurately describe the most mind blowing orgasm I'd ever had. Except by orgasm I mean dinner.

I got this recipe from Cook's Country, but I changed several things. It called for chicken cutlets and I used chicken legs. It called for plain yogurt, I used plain non-fat. It called for dipping the chicken in the yogurt sauce, I just soaked it in nonfat milk. It didn't call for grated parmesan in the panko crumb mix, but I SURE DID. And those bastards wanted me to fry the chicken in oil and I was like HELL NO we are baking these sex machines. Finally, it didn't suggest serving this with ranch-dressing flavored mashed cauliflower but I did and I knocked this meal on it's ASS because I totally rocked, and totally destroyed my kitchen in the process:

Notice the hand held emulsifier that I realized would't work, but just left there as I danced around waiting for the cauliflower to steam and for Grey's Anatomy to stop fucking with my heart:

Um, on to the recipe!

Spanish Chicken with Yogurt Sauce
serves 2 

2 large chicken leg quarters, thighs and drummies separated
2 cups nonfat milk
1 tsp powdered chicken bouillon
1 cup (at least) panko crumbs
2 tbsp paprika
2 tbsp chili powder
1/4 cup shredded parmesan
Cooking spray
1 cup nonfat plain yogurt
2 tbsp finely snipped fresh parsley
2 tbsp paprika
salt and pepper to taste


OH MY GOD, MY BODY IS READY FOR THIS. Ok, sorry but this recipe blew me away; it was relatively simple but man, that yogurt sauce, those spices... so good!

Preheat your oven to 375. Soak your chicken in the milk and powdered chicken bouillon. I use a no-sodium version and I love it. When the oven is ready, as ready as my body is...

Mix the panko, paprika, chili powder, and parmesan in a large bowl. Dredge your chicken pieces in that sexy stuff, pressing to make sure the crumb mixture sticks. Place chicken on a cookie sheet prepped with cooking spray, and then spray each chicken piece with cooking spray.

Throw those porn stars into the oven for about 40 minutes.

When the chicken is done, remove from oven and tent with foil. NOW the sex starts.

Put the yogurt in a small skillet or saucepan and put on medium high heat. Add your parsley and paprika, salt and pepper, and cook until heated throw. THEN YOU PLATE YOUR CHICKEN? AND TOP IT WITH THE YOGURT?!

omg. HEAVENLY.

Mashed Ranch Caulifower
serves 2 

1 head cauliflower, cut into small florets
2-3 hearty squeezes of ranch dressing
1 tbsp olive oil
UM THAT IS ALL

Steam the cauliflower until a fork can completely destroy a floret. You know what I mean, you get impatient standing at the goddamn stove too.

Dump the cauliflower into a food processor and just let that bad boy run. When it seems to get gummed up, add a squeeze of ranch and a small drizzle of olive oil. Watch as your dreams come true, having already had your nightmares materialize thanks to the writers of Grey's Anatomy.

Keep blending, about two minutes, until it looks like mashed potatoes and let me tell all of you heartthrobs out there, IT TASTES LIKE IT TOO.

Here is your plate of G-Spot:

UM WHAT, IS THIS FOR REAL?

Yeah. Yeah, it is. Now roll over, light me a smoke and don't talk to me til morning.

Easy Roast Chicken

I'm trying to slowly remove gluten and cheese from my diet, in an effort to eventually ease into a paleo style diet (though I refuse to give up lentils). Plus I've started doing a lot more weight training since my workout schedule is very much freed up, and after last night's barbell class, I was craving some protein in a major way.

 Anyways, I just roasted some chicken legs for lunch and thought I'd share since it was easy and suuuuuper delicious. It's a variation of the roast chicken with apples and leeks I posted here ages ago.

Easy Roast Chicken
serves two

2 chicken legs quarters, skins removed
1 apple, quartered
4 cloves garlic
1 spring rosemary
olive oil
salt and pepper

Set oven to 375. Put all the ingredients together in a pyrex like this:

Throw this into the oven for 45 minutes. Out comes this!

Except it won't be blurry.

Simple, easy, and quite Paleo diet-friendly if I'm not mistaken. :)

Chicken and Veggies with Lentils, Bacon and Goat Cheese

I really need a better camera. And some photography skills. Check out the placement of the bowl! It creates tension right?! Hello?

Anyways...

So this dish is like half health, half indulgence, and once again I just sort of put it together.

Chicken and Veggies w/Lentils
serves 2

3 strips bacon
1/2 cup lentils
10oz chicken, chunked
4oz mushrooms, sliced
4oz zucchini, sliced
3 cloves garlic, minced
3oz baby carrots, quartered lengthwise
olive oil
1 oz goat cheese crumbles

OKAY HOMIES. I made this like last week, liked it and took a photo of it to blog about later, so I'm trying to remember the steps.

Put your lentils in a small sauce pan with 2 cups water and set to boil. Once the boil is rolling, reduce heat, cover and simmer for about 30 minutes.

Cook your bacon on medium heat in the same skillet you'll be using to saute your chicken and veggies because come on, right? Drain the slices on a paper towel and once they're hard, crumble them finely.

Dump out almost all the fat and up the heat a bit. Add your chicken and veggies and whatever spice you'd like. I added a bit of curry but honestly, it doesn't matter. The garlic is a good enough flavor, plus remember: BACON IS COMING

Once your lentils are fully cooked, nearly all the liquid will be gone. Add a bit of olive oil for some lubrication (heh heh), and stir in the bacon and the goat cheese crumble. And dude? You're done-zo.

Plate up in a big bowl so you can sample from the healthy side, the indulgent side, or mix them all up together. I think a dash or five of Sriracha may have found its way into this dish, too. Very tasty!

Green Pasta with Chicken!

Oh man, you guys, I sort of did this off the cuff, and was totally worried it wouldn't work, but it did! And it's healthy because the green is spinach and rosemary! And I never used flour or butter for the sauce!

Green Pasta with Chicken
serves two


5oz spaghetti
2.5 cups spinach, finely chopped
3 springs rosemary, finely chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 tbsp olive oil
1 cup chicken broth
3/4 cup white wine
1 tbsp corn starch
1 oz feta
1 tbsp neufchatel
10 - 12oz chicken tenderloins
6 oz mushrooms, quartered

Ok, so mix the first three ingredients together in a small bowl. If you can believe it, the amount of spinach used is less than a single serving, which is why we've got some tasty mushrooms in there too. Set some water to boil for that spaghetti.

Heat the olive oil in a skillet, and then add the spinach, rosemary and garlic. Toss around to coat, and let it hang out while you mix the white wine and cornstarch together, stirring to combine. Now, add your broth to the veggies, and once it's boiling, add your white wine and cornstarch, but remember to stir again to re-mix.

Keep the sauce simmering, and check your pasta. If it's done, drain and drizzle a bit of olive oil, just a little, so it won't get gummed up. Add the feta, crumblin any big chunks with your fingers, and stir to combine. Add your neufchatel. By now your sauce will look far less like Italian wedding soup and more like a sauce.

Coat a medium skillet with cooking spray and set on medium high. Add your chicken and mushrooms, flipping the chicken after about five minutes. Spoon in several tablespoons of sauce over your chicken and mushrooms, which will start bubbling beautifully.

DELISH

Dump the spaghetti into the remaining sauce in the pan, tossing to coat.

Now we're ready to plate up! Pasta first, then the delicious chicken mushroom combo. Sauce on sauce! YUMMO

At this point Todd had to take a bathroom break and I think I said something like "Suit yourself, home boy, I'm eating this stuff NOW!" and I ran to the sofa, fork mid-twirl in my spaghetti.

Poor/Lazy Man's Cassoulet

Poor man's, lazy man's, slutty (aka easy) cassoulet. Whatever you want to call it, it is WAY easier than the previous cassoulet recipe I posted, requires fewer ingredients, takes less time and tastes just as great

Cheap and Easy Cassoulet
Serves 2

1 cup great white northern beans
4 strips bacon
3-5oz chopped carrots
1 large stalk of celery, finely chopped
1/2 large white onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, chopped fine
2 tsp dried thyme, divided
8 - 10oz white meat chicken (we used tenders), cut into large chunks
1 cup water
2 tbsp tomato paste
1/2 cup Panko crumbs
Olive oil
1/4 cup parmesan


Soak 1 cup GWN beans overnight.*

Set oven to 375. After their soak, drain them out of the old water and put them in 2 cups cold water, and set to boil. In a cast iron skillet, cook the bacon. Put the cooked slices on paper towel and set aside. Dump most of the grease in your bacon can, and then add your veggies to the skillet of grease.

Cook until soft, about 2-3 minutes, add 1 tbsp thyme and then your chicken pieces. Push aside the veg so your meat has a chance to brown. Once that's done, mix your water and tomato paste to make a sort of veggie broth. Add the tomato water stuff to the skillet until it's just barely reached the top.

Put in the oven for about 20 minutes. In the meantime, crumble your bacon as fine as you can and mix it evenly with the Panko crumbs. After the 20 minutes are up, pull out your skillet and evenly sprinkle the bacon crumb mixture on top. Drizzle the olive oil over the whole shebang, and pop back in for another 10 minutes. Sprinkle the cheese on top, plate up and enjoy!


* If you don't have the time, start boiling them a couple of hours before you want to start dinner.

Easy Fried Chicken

Holy shit, a food post!

No pictures were taken during the making of this meal because as a clumsy person, I felt it wise not to hover over a cast iron skillet full of scalding hot oil, with a digital camera, whilst several flour-coated chicken pieces sizzled, snapped, popped and fried away. But, I have several leftover drumsticks with gorgeous crispy crusts and will take a photo and add it to this post later on this evening.

I had a huge craving for nasty fried chicken from KFC or better, Church's Chicken on Saturday so yesterday I bought a pack of 12 drumsticks as a little shout out to my 10 year old self who loved nothing more than a drumstick in each hand, even though it made eating my pasta a little difficult.

I got to frying around 7pm, after which I transferred the fried pieces onto a cast iron griddle pan and popped then in the oven to complete the cooking process. During the time they were in the oven, Todd came down with what had plagued me earlier in the week, which rendered him completely incapable of eating, which is why I have so many goddamn leftover pieces. But I digress. On to the recipe!

Easy Fried Chicken
serves 1 - ?!?!

Several chicken pieces, however many you want
1 cup buttermilk (if you do not have buttermilk, add 1 tbsp white vinegar to 1 cup milk, wait 5 minutes, then proceed)
2 cups flour
2 tbsp paprika
salt and pepper to taste
1 cup vegetable oil


Set oven to 400. Skin your chicken, if you so desire (I did; I wanted fried chicken but was willing to do whatever I could to lessen the calorie bomb) Put flour and spices together in a ziplock bag and set aside. Pour buttermilk into a bowl. You are ready!

Dip chicken pieces in buttermilk and then, about three pieces at a time, put into the bag of flour, zip it closed and shake, shake, shake, senora.

Then put the flour-coated chicken pieces on a cookie sheet. Do not start frying until the flour has turned paste-like on the chicken. This is apparently a very important step! I used this time to heat up my oil in a cast iron skillet; if you don't have one, choose the largest skillet you have with as high a lip as possible.

Once the flour looks like it's sort of soaked into the chicken, drop those bad boys into the oil. Don't overcrowd though; it lowers the heat of the oil which could produce soggy chicken, not crispy which is what we want. Unless you are insane. It's best to fry them up in batches.

Flip the pieces and once they look nice and golden brown, remove and place on either a broiler rack, a wire rack or, like I did, use a cast iron griddle pan (it has the raised slat thingies that provides some space for the oil/fat to drip off).

Once all the batches are fried, turn off the heat to your oil and pop the chicken into the oven for approximately 20 - 30 minutes. I did mine closer to 20 because they were all drumsticks and I didn't have any bigger pieces.

Remove from oven and set aside to cool. Once they're cool enough to tear into like a wild animal, well, do it. Neither harbor nor express any feelings of guilt or remorse as you devour not one or two peices, but three. Three amazing morsels of fried, but not altogether super-badly fried, chicken.

DELICIOUS.

Chicken cheesesteak with oven fries

Check that bad boy out! No, we didn't order out, I actually made us chicken cheesesteak sandwiches for dinner the other night. They were extremely delicious and far less caloric and fattening than what you'd find in a sandwich shop. Plus, cheaper, faster, and I didn't have to tip anybody. Although maybe Todd should have tipped me.

Chicken Cheesesteak Sandwich with Oven Fries

serves 2

2 potatoes, each cut lengthwise into 8 - 10 wedges

olive oil

salt, pepper and garlic powder

1 12oz chicken fillet

1 yellow onion, halved and thinly sliced
1/2 jalepeno (we did 1/4 but there was very little heat)
1 green, red or yellow bell pepper (we didn't have any so I parboiled, chopped then sauteed some green beans, believe it or not)
2 oz Swiss cheese, thinly sliced
1 Roma tomato, chopped
2 hoagie rolls
foil
cooking spray
1/4 cup chopped lettuce


Toss your potato wedges with olive oil, salt, pepper and garlic powder, then arrange, skin side down on a foil-lined cookie sheet. Arranging them that way ensures a nice browing on both sides, and they just seem to cook faster and better that way. Put them in a 400 degree oven. They need about 20 minutes to cook so I waited about five minutes or so before starting on the sandwiches.

On a medium-high grill, cook your chicken breast. Todd didn't use any seasonings but if you'd like to, by all means, go for it. It will take about 10 minutes.

In the meantime, saute the onions, jalepeno and peppers (or in my case, chopped, parboiled green beans) in more olive oil over a medium high heat until the onions are carmelized and everything. By now, your chicken should be ready to come off the grill, but don't shut it off just yet.

Chop the chicken into small bite sized cubes. Take your rolls and fill first with the onion-veggie mix, then the chicken. Top with the Swiss and chopped tomatoes. Spray sections of foil with cooking spray and wrap the sandwiches snugly in the foil. Return them to the grill for 2-3 minutes, until the cheese is melted.

By now your potatoes are done, so plate those piping hot bad boys. If you're feeling froggy, top them with some grated parmesan. Plop your foil-wrapped sammy on the plate, open the foil and garnish with lettuce (Todd did this, but I did not, as you can tell from the photo above).

Devour! This was so good, easy and downright hearty, but in a non-overindulgence sort of way. I hope you try it, and love it like we did!

Oui, oui! Cassoulet!

Maybe it was the wine, or the fact that this is a French dish, or just simply the fact that frequently these days I get all the ingredients for a relatively complex dish only to discover all the staples I thought I had, I didn't, but whilst making this dish the other day, I remembered the motto from the adorable movie, Ratatouille: "Anyone can cook!"

Which, of course, must be said in a Fronsh axont. Anyways, it's a good dish for that motto because, honestly, anyone can make it, with almost any kind of ingredients as long as you stick to some basics: beans and fowl with some sort of pork product. There are sure to be purists out there but I was comforted to know that, without sausage or even bacon, this meal can absolutely be a stunner with simply a shit load of dark meat chicken and some delicious black forest ham.

Anyways, on to the meal! If you want the ~original~ version of where I got my cassoulet recipe, saunter on over to this site here. If you want to be a kitchen warrior who, like the honey badger, just doesn't give a shit, stay right here, sweet-cheeks.

Cassoulet

serves 5-10 depending on how gluttonous your friends and family are

4oz black forest ham

2tbsp butter

2 tbsp oil

10 pieces dark meat chicken, (I had 6 drumsticks and 4 thighs because I am insane)

salt and pepper to taste

1 onion, chopped 1/2" thick

2 carrots, chopped 1/2" thick

2 stalks celery, chopped 1/2" thick

4 cloves garlic, chopped up

4 springs parsley, tied up

1 tbsp dried thyme

2 bay leaves

1 can crushed tomatoes

1/2 small can tomato paste

1lb great northern white beans, soaked 6 hours minumum, overnight maximum

water

chicken boullion

2 cups breadcrumbs, panko, or crushed up crackers because you forgot you were out of panko

1 cup parmesan

So. Preheat oven to 400. Heat up your pot to medium or a little higher, and throw in your ham to heat it up and get it all gorgeous looking and bubbly. This is the ham I used, by the way, from Costco:

                          

Remove the ham from the pot, chop up coarsely and set aside. Heat up the butter and oil together and once they're all golden and melty together, add your chicken. You will feel like you are looking down into a small round massacre site, there is so much goddamn meat:

Here are my drained beans, set aside and ready to go. I actually parboiled mine a bit, but it's not necessary. If you do, you will end up having to use a baster to suck out some of the water later and will end up squirting some of it on the wall beside your stove and it shall drip down into the unreachable depths and you will consider giving up, crying and getting drunk, but instead you perservere. I guess the moral of this tale is don't parboil your beans. Just... don't.

"Anyone can cook!"

ANYWAYS. Now that your chicken is browned, add the ham back to it (see that pretty chopped up ham bit just left of 6 o'clock in the picture below?), and add your veggies and herbs. Toss around a bit, cooking down for about 5-10 minutes.

Add your tomatoes and tomato paste. Now it REALLY looks like a massacre in there!

Let that cook down a bit too. Now, over at the Amateur Gourmet, he just filled the pot with water, but I added chicken boullion powder to mine. See, it looks like someone peed in the pool:

Why do I continue to use such disgusting imagery in a food post? I don't know. Sorry, mom.  So, fill your pot until the water/broth/whatever covers the beans. Thanks to all my chicken, doing this made the pot insanely full, and I nearly had a heart attack.

Luckily for me, I had this to calm me down.

Bring all that stuff to a boil, then cover and put in the oven for about an hour. Remove it from the oven, throw your bread crumbs/panko/crushed up crackers because you forgot you were out of panko and drizzle with olive oil. You're supposed to drizzle melted butter over it but the previously used 4tbsp of fat made me opt for the more heart healthy version, plus who can fucking tell?

"I can fucking tell," whisper about 3578948 angry people. Haha yeah right! If I had 3578948 people reading this blog I would have earned WAY more than three dollars and seventy cents by now.

Okay, so put it back in the oven for about 15 more minutes. Apologize to your family that you will be eating around 9pm because for some reason in your head cassoulet takes 45 minutes to make instead of over 90 minutes. Remember, suddenly, that you're thinking of coq au vin, not cassoulet. Pour another glass of red wine.

Now, once you pull that bad boy out, cover with parmesan cheese, because that will make up for not using butter before, fat-content-wise.

Pop back in for another 5 minutes. Remove, give it a good stir and voila!

Dish up and devour!

"Anyone can cook!"

Super, Simple, Scrumptious.

Last week I was sick and tired of eating at 9pm so I figured I'd do something super simple. And I did! It was delicious and so I want to share it with you.

Tex Mex Casserole

serves 4-6

1 cup cooked Basmati rice

1 can corn

1 can black beans, drained and rinsed

1lb uncooked chicken, diced

2 tbsp butter

2 tbsp flour

1 cup chicken broth

1/3 cup milk

chili powder to taste

garlic powder to taste

cumin to taste

2 - 3 roma tomatoes, diced

1/2 cup chopped cilantro

8oz shredded cheddar (::evil laugh::)

Set oven to 375. Add the first four ingredients to a casserole dish and stir to mix it up evenly. Set aside. 

In a small saucepan, melt your butter and once it's turned to liquid gold, whisk in flour. 

Once it's made a paste, add your chicken broth, stirring to mix the roux with the broth. Add your spice trio. 

Cook until thickened and bubbly and then add milk. 

Pour the sauce evenly over the stuff in the casserole dish.  Stir to saturate. 

Top with the tomatoes and cilantro and then, with that deep, dark sin, 880 calories worth of shredded cheddar. 

Pop in the oven for 20 - 30 minutes.

I SAID HELL YEAH